I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
February 04, 2015 - 11:48 a.m.
It really helps when I do things to write about. Well let's see where this leads. Oh there is an idiot story.
Heather's Mac Book died. It has files on it that she wants. Steve said if I brought it to him he could pull out the hard drive and extract them. Great. I'm going down there next week. Heather is going back to Maryland for a visit on Thursday so I went there yesterday to pick up the book and do our usual hanging out and watching Doctor Who.
I like that despite the fact that the windchill was 14˚ I was nice and toasty. I didn't get close to the limit. I didn't wear a scarf, my thermal boots, or my hood. Thermal socks, a sweater, and my Nepalese hat sufficed. Oh and of course my silk long johns.
I take the bus to Heather's. It was unusually crowded but I found a seat just where I like it, by the back door. Someone was standing so close to the door that he triggered the alarm, "Please move away from the door." It said that over and over again. He just stood there. Finally I said, "Hey guy by the door, it means you!" He didn't move. But once I broke the ice other people chimed in. Then someone pointed out that he had ear buds in, I'm sure the music was blasting. She tapped him on the shoulders and motioned him away from the door and the alarm stopped. Yay! Everyone was happy. I did good! In a tiny way I made the world a better place by not being afraid to say something.
I was the only white person on the bus. I wonder if that would have inhibited others from saying something. I'm usually the only white person near me, or the only one that isn't Hassidic so I hardly notice it. The reason I did was because I flashed back to the time where I confronted the racist bus drive that insulted the Chinese woman on the bus in Flushing. He stopped the bus. When I apologized to the other passengers one of them said, "Look around you, we understand.' And that's when I realized I was the only white person on that bus. You can read about that here, "Get out of America!"
When I got there Heather couldn't figure out how to open the optical drive on her new computer. The one sheet that came with the computer had something marked "optical drive" on the computer's side. there was a separate piece of plastic there. There was no eject button. Pressing the plastic did nothing. She downloaded the online pdf manual for the computer, it didn't help. Heather's roommate Ellen called her geek-in-law. I called my geek-in-law Paul. Both geeks-in-law came to the same conclusion, Her computer does not come with an optical drive. D'oh! So what the hell is the slot there for and why is it labeled?
What else was exciting? Well Heather had to have a key made and know what was on the same block? A kosher bakery Yum! Damn I forgot to eat some of this stuff that I can't figure out what it was that Heather bought. It was Challah with chocolate but not babka.
I timed the trip home perfectly. the bus arrive at the stop just as I did. The MTA bus time website really works.
In the middle of the night I woke up. I forgot what woke me. But when I did I realized that I didn't remember to take Heather's Mac Book. I told you there was an idiot story. I wouldn't lie to you.
Breaking news! I interrupt the regularly scheduled blog for this important story. As I was about to change subjects my phone alert sounded. What was that for? It said, "Carolann" on my calendar. I meet Carolann every Wednesday at 11 for my "get my life in order" session. This week it was delayed by half an hour and moved to a different location. That's fine. I was looking forward to the new coffee shop. But the thing is the alert only gives me 10 minutes notice. Arrrgghhh! How did I forget about it? Well I usually go to Heather's on Monday after therapy. I didn't go on Monday, I went to see her on Tuesday. But it felt like Monday as I was there so today felt like Tuesday. Or to put it more simply, I'm an idiot. Yes the final word is in. This result is official. I missed "get my life in order" meeting. I need to get my life I order. OK this bothers me quite a bit. I know I have anxiety and have trouble doing routine things. But I am reliable. I don’t miss appointments. I don’t flake out. But I did. We'll call this the exception that proves the rule. I'm seeing the understanding Carolann tomorrow
I realize that I make clear distinctions in my head of what I'm good at and what I'm bad at. If I screw up something I am good at I feel worse. If I mess up computing or organizing or empathizing or figuring things out it's worse than if I procrastinate or can't handle anxiety.
O that saved me from writing about what I planned which was a difficult topic. I've been having trouble writing recently. That's something I'm supposed to be good at. Uh oh.
OK now for a simple breakfast of bacon and eggs.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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