I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
August 18, 2015 - 11:36 a.m.
I'm having a bad vision day let's see if it can be a good writing day. Screen magnification is a good thing.
More importantly my mental health improved even though my therapist is on vacation. Ugh. I just realized I did the same stupid thing I do when I have therapy. I bought bagels and forgot to freeze them. I was tired and fell asleep when I got home. I have to do that as soon as I'm done writing. They are never as good when they are left out over night like that. Now that interrupted my story line but it is an idiot story and thus an essential element of Wise Madness.
So as I just tipped off I actually made it out of the house yesterday! Come on you can cheer louder than that. It is a big deal. I was caught in the doldrums and had to row my way into the wind. But I made it. I didn't do all the things I was supposed to do. But I got out. The first thing I did was get the aforementioned bagels. Then I decided to not go to My PO box uptown but to get therapy food instead. I went to Davey's Ice Cream for a chocolate shake. It was super chocolatey and wonderful but something was lacking. They have the best ice cream but not the best shakes. The ice cream is actually tied with Cones on Bleecker Street. I got a little sad when I was there as I had planned on taking Saburah there the next time she was in New York and I told her that. She loved Cones and wanted to show her the competition. Sab died last month.
From there I went to Bushwick. Tina posted on Facebook that her family was clearing out things from their apartment and giving things away. They are cool people and figured that they'd have cool stuff, particularly cool books. Not only that but it's super easy to get there from the East Village where I was. So I went. I found the building. I found their apartment. I found bags of things out in the hallway. I knocked on their door and they came out. Tina asked, "Did I say this was on Monday? It's on Tuesday." I told her that I'm an idiot so it was probably me. Then I gave myself an out, I said, "I bet you said, "tomorrow" and wrote that after midnight." Well this is what she actually wrote;
My family and i are having a giveaway this Tuesday at our apt. from noon to 9pm...all kinds of good stuff! Shoes, fabrics, pet carriers, dishes, books, and more. Pm me for address. So it's totally understandable why I thought it was Monday right? I'm an idiot. Good thing that they know me and are very nice people. So I actually grabbed some books and a hat and had fun talking to them. I should show you the hat. That means getting up, combing my hair, and taking a picture. I'll do it.
Doo Bee Doo Bee Doo Bah.
I thought it was easy to get to and from their apartment to my house. They live close, about 3 miles. If it wasn't 1000°F I would have walked. But it was either two busses or the to the which is not a direct connection and goes way out of the way. Google maps said that was fastest so I went that way. I have done the connection the other direction but never this way. That proved significant. I somehow walked right by the Junius station. I realized I had walked too far and checked Google Maps and saw I was now closer to the next station, Rockaway Ave. I got to Rockaway and the station was closed. There was a sign saying to take the shuttle bus. I was lucky and just caught that. it took me one stop to Saratoga Ave where I caught the and took it two stops to home. It took me over an hour. I could have walked it just as fast. I'm going back today and might try walking. Otherwise it's the bus.
When I got home I was tired from the heat and that commute and without meaning to I fell asleep. When I woke up I made dinner and it was more therapy food, hot dogs with cheez-whiz and boiled potatoes with butter and garlic salt. How many of you just wretched? It was so good I discovered how to make this easier on myself. I used to melt the cheez-whiz in the microwave then scoop it with a spoon onto the hot dogs. Now I take a knife and spread it like peanut butter on the roll and let the hot dog and roll do the melting. That works great and involves less work and less cleanup. Hey I did have a healthy dessert, clementines. I'm being good, the only snacks in the house are those and bananas. I balance my mental and physical health.
I didn't go shopping yesterday because I forgot what I had to buy. I still forget but I put it in my shopping list app; something really healthy, breakfast sausages.
I had planned on writing something political and I could still do it but I think I'll hold off on it it's not an issue that will go away. It will get me riled up an I think I should take advantage of feeling relatively good today. I have a lot planned, back to Tina's, a visit to my PO Box, shopping, and seeing Willie Nile for free. I have to figure out the timing for all this. I think I'm going to be carrying around stuff no matter what I do. I'm thinking, Tina, PO Box, Willie Nile, Pathmark, then back home. I think I'll leave home my deposit bottles.
OK now to cut and freeze bagels and make breakfast. It's a breakfast sandwich sort of day.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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