I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
January 16, 2015 - 12:32 p.m.
No idea what I'm writing about today. I'm having a lot of trouble seeing right now. I guess it is the cataracts. I feel like there's a mist between me and the computer screen. Oh and my entire right arm, shoulder, elbow, and hand hurts. I'm pretty much falling apart.
I spent most of yesterday with Heather. We just did errands together. We went to my PO box then some shopping. I finally got a new belt. My only leather belt broke so I've been wearing that ridiculous white fabric one which is great in the summer but not now. then we went back to her apartment and I got to know her new roommate Ellen. She's an actress and she taught me some technical things about the craft that I never thought about. I always love expanding my horizons.
I still can't decide what to write about. I'm being pulled in so many directions. I just listened to Bobtown's A History of Ghosts. At NERFA when I raved over it people asked me what was my favorite tracks. I couldn't answer. I had only listened once or twice and just knew the overall effect. But here's the thing. I've listened to it a ton since then. I still can't tell you. There are 11 songs and my favorite is the one I'm listening to at the moment. There are three songwriters on it but there's a unity to the album. It's 11 movements of one work.
A friend asked me how to deal with a colleague who has similar anxiety issues to mine. I've been working on this for more than a day and still haven't been able to put a handle on it. Carolann works wonders on me. She has the right mix of keeping me focused and giving me comfort. And know something, I'm good at that with other people. The reason it's hard to tell someone what to do, is that so much of it is not about what you do but how well you read the person you're trying to help. When someone pushes too hard all I want to do is put up a wall and keep the world out. What you can do is help with all the little details. Find out what specific steps the person has trouble with. I have trouble with some routine things. Help with those things is always appreciated.
It's easier to explain what not to do. Don't say "calm down." There is pretty much nothing as uncalming as being told to calm down. Don't remind the person of the consequences. What do you think the person is anxious about? I know the consequences. as I like to say, "I'm not stupid." Don’t make moral judgments. That's the worst. It crumbles self-respect. When someone is frozen into inaction it isn't from laziness or not caring. It isn't about lack of effort or discipline. Once the guilt cycle starts it becomes even harder to do what has to be done.
Sometimes helping involves just sitting there an waiting for someone to get over something. I have told people to not do what they had to do because I could see they were too upset to do it right and it would just lead to a meltdown. And then when the time is right you very gently nudge. Give a "want to try it now?"
Often what's needed is hand holding, figuratively and literally. It just helps to know that there's someone there with you.
Wow I could use help writing this. I still haven't figured it out. What do I do? What do other people do for me? The most important point is keeping your eyes and ears open. You can see and hear when someone slips into anxiety. Knowing what to do next is the hard part. But stop doing what you did to trigger it.
This was also not what I was planning on writing about. It's too late to start over. I'll be honest my own anxiety is getting bad. People helped but I still need money.
OK. I'll eat now. bacon and eggs might be bad for my arteries but they are good for my soul.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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