I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

April 04, 2014 - 11:33 a.m.

Singing Horse

I don't have time to really write today. I am meeting Erika for lunch, teaching, preparing my fantasy baseball team, and going to see Zo Lewis. I might have to forego Zo. I do not want to do that but it might happen.

Yesterday after school I went shopping at Trader Joe's and went straight home. I bought broth and sausages and was looking forward to soup. Then when I went to make it I found someone had food in the pot. And he just left it there for hours. I was tempted to just throw it out and make soup. Instead I did this.

My handwriting looks like a second graders. I feel bad for my teachers. I have some students who write worse.

OK so here's the thing I could list about a dozen of bad things to write about, attacks on my self esteem. I'll just mention two related ones. I asked two women that I met to and friended on Facebook to do something with me. They didn't even say "no." I was totally ignored. That isn't close to the worst of it. But you know what I'm not feeling bad and I don't have low self esteem. Yes I'm lonely and would love to be able to say "love" without add "unrequited." Yes I still get paralyzed with anxiety and pay for it. Which is why I might not see Zo tonight even though Gene & Isabel, and Fred will be there. But in the end I like the guy I see when I look in the mirror even though he needs a shave and keeps forgetting to bring home the can of shaving cream he has in his office desk. He's funny, smart, kind, and very cute in a spiny anteater sort of way.

And hey I'm seeing Erika for lunch and tomorrow is my Fantasy baseball draft and tomorrow night John Platt's On Your Radar and I signed up for health insurance.

A young man was caught in the King's seraglio. The punishment was death. He said to the king, "Give me a year to live and I will teach a horse to sing."

The king said "That would be a wondrous thing. you have one year but if at the end of that time the horse can't sing you will be executed."

Every day the man would sit with the horse and sing. A stable hand watched him every day and said, "Are you crazy? You can't teach a horse to sing. Why do you even try? "

The man replied. "A lot can happen in a year. The King could die. I could die. In any event I have another year of life. And who knows maybe the horse will learn to sing."

I'm waiting for the horse to sing.





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On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017



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Horvendile April 04, 2014
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