I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
November 21, 2015 - 11:59 a.m.
So how do I get rid of the rule in this ancient version of Word? Oh that was easy, why did I not see it yesterday when I looked in exactly the same place? I think Microsoft is messing with my head.
Now to catch up on my life; as usual I wasted most of the day yesterday. In the evening my plan was to see Honor Finnegan and Aviv Roth at the Ethical Culture Society at 7:30. That's a few blocks from my PO Box so the plan was to get to my PO Box right before 5:30 when the post office closes then get something to eat, stop a Trader Joe's to pick up coffee, I am totally out, then get to the show early. Somehow that didn't work out. I must have left later than I thought I did. I realized that I was not going to get to the Post Office in time but I might just make it. That is if I had gotten off at the stop. Instead I slept most of the subway ride. I woke up for a second and Broadway Lafayette and was all ready to get off at 59th street. Instead I didn't wake up till 86th street. I knew immediately I missed my stop. I got out and walked down to Trader Joe's on 73rd Street. I waited on the long line to just buy coffee but I had time so I didn't mind.
I was a bit confused as to where Honor would be playing. The Ethical Culture Society has a large auditorium but that was too large. I did see Honor there as part of a Uke Fest but not by herself. That's where I saw Renaissance and the Roches and I think Richard Thompson. I got there, went in the entrance and there were table arrayed in front of the auditorium with people behind it. A young woman asked if I were there for the event. I told her that it depends on what the event was and that I was there to see Honor. She had no idea what I was talking about. She told me to ask in some office. I couldn't find the office but I saw a sign saying "Ethical Culture Café!" It's in the basement. I saw Honor and knew I was in the right place. People who came later told me that they were directed to the Cafe by the people at the table so somebody clued them in. It might just have been because i was early.
Honor is in my inner inner circle. I think of her as being one of the people I see most often but she's hardly played in the City in ages. I had other choices last night but there was no doubt where I was going. No I mean I was undecided to the last second. Honor said there were cookies for the undecided. So yeah, I was undecided.
I knew a lot of people at this show, Fred, Allison, Carolann & Mark with their son, and Elisa. Is that really all? No! There was Peter and the lovely woman whose name I actually remember but she said she was happy when I called her "lovely woman" in a older edition of Wise Madness
There was a nice synchronicity, five years ago I had seen Carolann, Meg and Elisa perform and Allison was on right before them. Allison, Carolann, Mark, their son, Elisa, and I were all together then too. And that's why I keep a blog. Otherwise I wouldn't know that.
One good thing about not seeing Honor for a while is that I got to hear new songs. Honor has such range, both vocally and stylistically. I wrote the other day that I've been more into bands and music with lots of moving parts. Honor does that with just Aviv. She does it solo a capella. People think of her funny songs first but she can break your heart too. She does standards she even did a cover of John Denver I loved. It was about refugees and she knew she didn't have to say a word to give it context.
After the show I headed back to Brooklyn with Carolann and Mark. Aviv, Piper his wife who I didn't see till after the show, and Elisa walked to the Subway with us but took different trains. I like having company on the subway.
My idiot story isn't that good but I suffered the consequences of my idiocy. I forgot to buy nasal strips. They make such a huge difference when I sleep. I kept waking up in the night not being able to breathe and my mouth tasted horrible from breathing through it so I kept having to drink water.
Now for the next chapter in adventures in anxiety. I've had plans to go to visit Joe and Emily for Thanksgiving for well over a month. If I had bought my ticket on Bolt Bus then I could have gotten it for maybe $10 each way. But I couldn't do it. I kept trying and couldn't. Don't ask me why I was anxious, but I was. Finally Emily wrote me a message on Facebook about my plans and I couldn't read it. Finally today I texted her and told her I was having problems. She offered to get the ticket for me. But I am registered with Bolt bus and get perks. So I went and asked her to talk to me while I did it. I needed the moral support. There's another level to it. There's a feeling of shame that I had to ask for help. Yet I freely tell all of you... That's the rational part of my brain that says, that I shouldn't be ashamed and being open about it might help somebody else.
Let's see how I deal with things today. There's something important that I have to do but I'm afraid to, call the service plan for my computer. I need it back. This one is usable but not the same. It also has my music library on it. Wish me luck.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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