I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

December 31, 2013 - 10:15 a.m.

Taking Stock and Bonds

I had another day when I didn't do much yesterday so I have to figure out what to write about. Well I have one thing that will interest lots of people that aren't my usual Gentle Readers. But let's start as I always do with recounting my day.

I did nothing worthwhile before therapy. I did do an experiment in how to get there. I usually of course come from school but when coming from home instead of just taking the the entire way I switch at Atlantic for the . That saves five stops and is more direct route. This time I tried taking the the entire way. I was right, taking the two trains is faster. I made it to therapy just in time.

Therapy didn't go as I planned. I was going for catharsis. Well actually I was going for letting the therapist see me as I break down. It was more for diagnostics purposes. But it wouldn't come. I didnt fall off the precipice I have been working at avoiding even though I tried jumping right off it. The thing is I think it actually helped. I felt better afterward. Not sure that she did anything but maybe she did. It could be I benefited from my internal preparations. I'm not bad at those things.

When I was done I needed therapy food. My first stop was Le Pain Quotidien. I might question the efficacy of my therapist but never of chocolate. I had a Belgian brownie. Not sure what makes it Belgian other than the shape, it's round. I have been stopping there and not Max Brenner for two reasons; it's cheaper and the service is better. It's always a struggle ordering takeout at Max's. You stand there and nobody comes over to help.

Then I went up to my PO Box. I had a package. I was hoping it was my new watch. It should have been my new watch. It wasn't. It was the book I ordered on Friday. That came right away. It's The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss. Carolyn recommended it to me. Now I rarely take books on recommendations but she was just so enthusiastic about it. Plus it is a Fantasy, my kind of book. Plus she's a clear kindred spirit. That added up to ordering while we talked.

I have to admit part of me was hoping that the package I had was a present. I didn't get any this Festivus. I keep thinking of Charlie Brown on Halloween, "I got a rock."

Then it was on to more therapy food, Hog Pit NYC. Funny thing I go to a restaurant like that and don't order pork. I'm not actually very big on pork. I do like barbecue ribs and pulled pork but when I'm there I can't resist the chicken fried steak. That's a regular stop for giving myself a culinary treat.

Then I did a major shopping run at Trader Joe's and then Pathmark. I had three bags of food to carry on the subway. I have gotten used to that.

My disappointment in myself is that I didn't get any writing done on my book last night. I don't want it to be another project I abandon.

I did watch the end of Eegah! on Mystery Science Theater 3000. I can be be having an anxiety attack. I can even be in full existential angst, and I still laugh while watching it. My therapist said "It's good that you let yourself laugh." I said, "I didn't let myself, I couldn't help it." It's that funny.

Maybe this isn't the place to put it but where else? The Baseball Hall of Fame balloting is soon. I don't get to vote but here is who I would vote for. My picks are not going to be popular.

  1. Barry Bonds Forget the steroids, before he ever took any he was the best player I ever saw and nobody has ever shown that they increase performance. You want him out then throw out Willie Mays who took amphetamines which have been shown to increase performance. By every statistical measure he's one of the very few greatest players in history and he could do everything, hit for average, for power, run the bases, and field.
  2. Roger Clemens I hate Clemens. He is a miserable excuse for a human being. But if I want to win a ballgame he's the man I want on the mound. He gets the nod over Maddux who I always liked better because he was the greater competitor. Maddux would pull himself from games to protect his stats.
  3. Greg Maddux He and Clemens are the two greatest pitcher I ever saw and it kills me to say that as Tom Seaver is the third. He was not overpowering but he had great movement and most importantly pinpoint control.
  4. Tom Glavine I reluctantly include him. He was always in Maddux's shadow and he was never dominating. But he was really good for a long time.
  5. Frank Thomas He had a funny career. When he came up I thought he'd have the hitting career that Bonds did. but then he suddenly fell off. But for a while he was the best hitter in baseball.
  6. Mark McGwire The man could just plain hit. Watching him hit batting practice was worth the price of admission.
  7. Mike Piazza The greatest hitting catcher in history and the only reason he didn't make it last year is because other people took steroids which is absurd.

On the cusp, Alan Tramell and Jeff Kent, middle infielders that hit well enough to be MVP are a rare breed.

Hey it's the last day of the year, I'm supposed to do a year in review. Thing is for the most part my year sucked. I had one really good thing in my life this year. I'll try and think of just that. I really am a cheerful hobbit. I know my present gloom will pass. It might take a while if the reality doesnt change but I'll be happy again. People adjust and time might not heal all wounds it heals most of them. I was feeling pretty bad last year, well just over a year ago. This is just about when things turned around. OK this wasn't a bad year. That one good thing was very good. As long as I can rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness life is good. There's a reason that quote is my favorite.






Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
Late to Bed and Late to Rise - September 30, 2017
On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017



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Horvendile December 31, 2013
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