I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
January 08, 2015 - 11:00 a.m.
I took positive steps yesterday and took care of myself but I'll start by talking about something that happened the day before and the totally unimportant thing it inspired me to do. On the way home on Tuesday I ran into Sammi while waiting for the train at Broadway – Layfayette. She was wearing a winter hat and I don't see well and my first reaction was ask, "Is that Sharon looking at me?" I would not have realized that the look similar without having her hair covered. I went over and talked to her till her train came. I always like running into friends totally randomly. And I just did something I've been thinking of for years, Keeping track of all the chance meetings I have with friends. These have to be totally random. If I run into a music friend at a concert it doesn't count. I feel that there are some people I run into much more than others, Seth and Jean come to mind. I'll find out now if that's true. Oddly I think the last friend I encountered by chance was Alex, Sammi's husband.
Yesterday I had a non-random encounter with a friend, Carolann. We met for coffee at the main branch of the Brooklyn public library of all places. It' convenient for both of us, more so for me. They have a café. As you know I'm having real problems and Carolann I helping me get my life back together. It's good to have good friends.
It's me so I have to first brag about being a master commuter. Google Maps said that I should leave at 10:40 to get there at 11:00. The train leaves every ten minutes. But as I had trouble finding something I left one minute late. Yes that makes a difference. I just missed the train. So I hopped on the which runs express and caught up with that at Franklin and so arrived right on time.
We had a productive meeting. I knew Carolann would be the perfect person to help me. She gets the hardest part, overcoming my anxiety. She doesn't say, "You have to do thi now!" That just makes me a wreck. I just realized that I think we got through this with hugs just when I arrived and we separated. See I'm not that bad.. Some literal hand holding was all I needed. More of it was kind words.
So I called school about my money, I made a doctor's appointment so I could have my first checkup in about 8 years, maybe 10. And yes I'm the sick person who might have cancer. There was one call I was very anxious about that she had to make for me. I was afraid I lost all my stuff in storage because I couldn't pay my bill. I didn't. Whew. I couldn't face that at all. I couldn't even tell my therapist. But now I can even tell you.
So this was very good. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am to Carolann.
After that I went up to my PO box because I got a text saying I had mail. I didn't. that was a wasted hour and a half. But then I took care of myself some more. I went to Pathmark to buy food. you know I haven't been eating properly. I stocked up. I even got cheap steaks. What was it, steak tips of some sort. a very thin cut but large, not like my usual round steaks. Each weighed about 0.48 lbs. I also got chicken thighs and some other things. I got two treats, eggnog and garlic potato chips. they were both on sale.
I made myself a steak and a Hasselback potato for dinner. I drank eggnog. I overindulged in potato chips. That's why I virtually never buy them. I know I can't resist. I ate so much that it sent me to the bathroom all night. My stomach has been so good to. People always tell me that stress causes my Crohn's. Bah. my doctor told me to never listen to people like that. Here I am the most stressed I've ever been and except for yesterday my health has been exceptional.
Back to the potato chips. The fact that I couldn’t stop eating them is the reason I don't take drugs and part of the reason I don't drink, not liking the taste is the other. I am afraid that I'd become addicted. It's an issue I know I have.
Now for something completely different.
I did something I rarely do, I jumped on a political bandwagon, the support of Charlie Hebdo in the wake of the massacre. My usual reaction is, "Nobody is for this, what's the point of protesting it." Condemning it is ridiculous. There's a point in condemning governments, especially actions by allies. But again virtually nobody supports wanton murder. Now Islamists could condemn it to show that this is not what they want. But not the President of the US.
So why am I taking part? Because this is something ordinary people can do something about. We can show that efforts to suppress freedom of expression through terror will not work. We can like the friend say "I am Charlie Hebdo." We can spread the very cartoons they are trying to suppress.
Here's a link to a Huff Post article with more of them, These Are The Charlie Hebdo Cartoons That Terrorists Thought Were Worth Killing Over. Post a link to them yourself. Post them on your Facebook, blog, and twitter. Let the nihilists seem them wherever they look. They can't kill all of us. There's a story, perhaps apocryphal taking place in Nazi occupied Denmark. The Nazis ordered that all Jews wear a gold star of David on their clothing. The next day the King of Denmark came out wearing a gold star of David. That day everyone followed suit. The Danes showed solidarity with the Jews so the Jews were not singled out. I've read conflicting accounts of it's veracity but it should be true. It's how people should act. And given the chance it's how I chose to act.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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