I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
June 12, 2013 - 9:59 a.m.
Dateline Spanish Harlem: So now you know where this is leading. Yesterday I moved out of the Last Homely House West of the Mountains and traveled to the far north for two weeks. Wither then I cannot say. The internet is spotty, let's see if I can get this posted.
Yesterday was not a good day. The pressure got to me, the anxiety wouldn't go away and I had even more trouble than usual getting things done. I finally did get packed enough to move but I have to go back again today to get stuff. I made sure to bring all my comfort items, my coffee making gear, my computer, my meds, my book, and my Perry the Platypus water bottle. Then once again I was on the subway with a backpack and heavy suitcase. Of course there were no elevators at either end of the trip. I got up here more than an hour later than I wanted to but that was OK with Evan, the person I'm renting with. he was happy practicing his piano. he was playing Liszt when I arrived. I then how to go to the bank for money to pay him. I was too busy being frozen to do it earlier. Good thing he's cool.
I got some basic information like the network password and instructions to not sit on the clavichord (I of course had no intention of sitting on the clavichord but the last subletter did) and headed straight out to see the effervescent Aoife O'Donovan at the Mercury Lounge. I have had it on my calendar forever but because I knew my life was in flux never arranged to do the merch for her. It was her CD release. At least I hope I didn't. The show was at 9:30 and I left here at 9:00. I got there about eight minutes late. And then saw she was on at 8:00. I don't know what happened. I was not happy. I heard she did a great show including a cover of my favorite song, 1952 Vincent Black Lightning,
I left there and with a huge need for therapy food, a double dose. I ate dinner at Katz's Deli; knoblewurst, fries, and a Dr. Brown's Cream Soda. Who knows what kind of food I went for next? Yes Ice Cream. I decided to try the Big Gay Ice Cream store The line wasn't too bad. In fact I thought there was no line just people standing outside talking, When I went in I waited my turn and was then told I had to go outside on the line with a sneer. The woman behind the counter was not nice. I went out and was of course further back in the line than I would have been if she had told me immediately that there was a line instead of waiting.
Do they not have chocolate ice cream? Everything seemed to be made of vanilla. I had the American Glob which is soft serve vanilla, pretzels, and a chocolate shell. It was good. The ice cream itself was nothing special but I liked the effect of the pretzels in it. No way it is worth waiting on a big line to get in. If you are curious just go to one of the trucks. I'll take an old fashioned ice cream store like Eddie's Sweet Shop in Forest Hills any day. It isn't even close. I don't need trendy in my ice cream.
I then headed home. It's a bohemian lifestyle. The door is missing a knob on the outside. There is no bed. I'm sleeping on futon mattresses on the floor. No TV. All that is an adventure. The spotty internet is the only real problem, well and no AC which might become one. I have to take advantage of living here and make my way to the Guggenheim. I've never been there. Anything else I shouldn't miss on the Upper West Side? Coco was telling me about an ice cream place around 59th street Serendipity. I can get there in about 10 minutes so I think I'll have to try it out.
I get paralyzed with anxiety yet can adjust well and find the best in changing circumstances. I don't understand myself, how must I look to the outside world.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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