I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
December 22, 2012 - 2:14 a.m.
I know I said I might not write for a while but I can so I will. In fact I intended on writing two entries tonight but it's too late now.
Last I left you I was despondent. If you missed it read my last entry go back and read it now. OK up to speed. Here is what happened after I wrote that. I went to a bridge and was going to jump off it when I saw somebody else fall into the river below. I dived in and saved his life. Turns out he was an angel named Clarence sent down to help me and � oh wait. That's "It's a Wonderful Life" not my life. My story isn't as interesting.
Things did improve a little with the new day a I hoped. I was still feeling pretty miserable. I had to go to the bank to get cash and quarters for laundry. I walked down 21st street like I have so many times since I moved to Chelsea but on the other side of the street than usual and in the daytime. I then rediscovered the old Portuguese Jewish cemetery in the middle of the block. I say rediscovered as I had originally found it years ago when I worked in the neighborhood. I had no idea what street it was on. I stopped and took some photos, I'll post them when I edit them. I thought about the early history of Jews in America. the first ones came from Brazil which was a Portuguese Colony. Most of the early American Jews were Sephardic. The Dutch Jews were Sephardic which seems strange till you remember that Holland was a Spanish possession. So here I was in the midst of being miserable and totally distracted by this and enjoying some historical geeking out. I know I call myself an idiot and yesterday I talked about losing the battle with myself but when it comes down to it I like myself. I like that I can stop in the middle of a crisis and enjoy recounting Jewish American history .
What was getting me so depressed was that I had to leave Hogwarts and Mini-Hagrid without having someplace permanent to go to. I was rescued once again at the last moment and this time I'll switch to a reference I enjoy much more, Tolkien. I'm now at the Last Homely House West of the Mountains. That isn't how I first thought if it. I'm an obnoxious pedant and first thought Imladris, the Elven name then Rivendell, what I it is called in LOTR before deciding on what it is most often called in The Hobbit which opened this week. I have to see it. Anyone want to join me? Oh and the Last Homely House is in Brooklyn. That's good because I looked at an apartment today that I could walk to from here. It would be with a roommate but he seemed cool and the place was nice. It is right in the middle of a triangle formed by three of my friends. the original reason I wanted to move to Brooklyn was because all of my friends here. I'll take it if he'll have me. If I can get an apartment I'll feel so much better.
I talked yesterday about feeling like George Bailey I have one big advantage over him. I already appreciate my friends. They have been coming out of the woodwork to help me. I found the apartment I looked at today through a friend. Another friend found me an place to stay today though I didn't need it. this isn't one of my close friends. It is someone who I already thought was wonderful but not someone I socialized with much even when she lived nearby. Now she is a continent away but she saw I was in trouble and wanted to help.
Today I had a great correspondence with a friend of very recent vintage.
We discussed what I wrote and it helped so much. I've quoted it a million times but it's true. Nobody is a failure that has friends. The inhabitants of the Last Homely House have been so generous and kind to me. I hope everyone knows how much I appreciate them.
I fell asleep just as I finished the last paragraph. I better finish this off then look at it tomorrow.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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Horvendile December 22, 2012
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