I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
August 01, 2017 - 3:00 p.m.
I just made an important discovery; if you open word and don't touch it blog entries don't write themselves. The experiment was worth the effort. If it were a success my life would have been made easier.
I went to the bathroom. It didn't write itself when I was in there either. I need help from artificial intelligence. I also need a harem and a bagel.
Yesterday was Monday but I still had to trek up to Harrison to pick up one of my psych meds. That's two buses, to a train to another bus to get there. Then a mile and a half walk, to a train to two buses to get home. When I said trek, I was not joking. I made a side trip to Stop and Shop because we needed dishwasher detergents and a few other things for the house. I could also get some Falcon Ridge Supplies. The only thing urgent was the dishwasher detergent.
I got home and Jane asked me, "You bought the dishwasher detergent?" I hung my head in shame. It is so hard being an idiot. At least I have antiseptic wipes for FRFF now.
I finished the Budgiedome schedule, everyone has confirmed. Opening the emails is a war with anxiety. Most are my friends, all are artists that I have met, yet with almost every email there's a fear that I'm going to be told that I screwed up so they aren't playing. No amount of rationality can overcome that anxiety. It was better than it's been in recent years when Bri had to handle it. I also had the adrenaline rush of last minute preparations and the ego boost of knowing that I'm good at what I do. Then there are all the nice things the musicians actually say to me. Hardly any of them call me a total jerk.
Then I got to make a nice-looking spreadsheet and do a screen cap that I could post on Facebook I enjoy making information look good. I should be the new White House Communication Director. I will be honest. I won't make "I Statements" I'll make "The President Statements." "The President says that thanks to him an asteroid didn't strike the earth and wipe out all life yesterday." That's true, as long as Trump actually said it. He'll love my releases, I will use his name and title in every sentence; it will hold his attention. When I get the gig, I'm going to do a house concert series in the White House. I'll plan them during the Mar-A-Logo visits. You can all then say, "The music at the White House during the Trump administration was great." I don't make leaks. I am not telling you the secret I learned. Nobody would tell me secrets if I squealed. I hope I get the job.
The schedule is not a secret; here it is.
I'm sorry, I can't tell you when Springsteen is making his secret Budgiedome appearance. That's not the secret I was talking about before.
I could write more about social insecurity but I'm not going to. I'm going to Falcon Ridge, the happiest place on earth. I might have some disappointments. I get some perks, that maybe I won't get this year. They are never written in stone. But I know I'll get the perk of being part of the Budgiedome/Camp Steeple family. I don't take any of it for granted. I don't bring food or even a tent but I'm provided for. I bring what I can. I'm bringing chocolate. I'm grateful for everything I get and everything I'm included in I'm grateful that I'm part of the furniture. I'm going to spend five days surrounded by music and people I love. I hope I see you there. Don't be shy, come to the Budgiedome song circle Thursday night. Come listen to the music every night after hours. I'm bringing my camera for the first time in years. I'll try and remember to take more pictures of the people not on stage this year. The problem is that I'm usually too busy talking to them to stop and take pictures.
I have to pick up my mail and some last-minute supplies like batteries and bug spray. Most importantly I need to get coffee for breakfast tomorrow. Then I have to pack. I never do till the last minute but maybe this year I make history.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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