I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
October 23, 2012 - 10:02 a.m.
I had a very rough night and got very little sleep. I'm tired and my head is pounding. I just took acetaminophen maybe that will help. In any event I'm not going to let it stop me from writing
When my mother heard that I couldn't sleep she'd always blame it on a guilty conscience. That's not what it was. I wasn't worried about things either. My problems were physical. For the first part of the night I had to run to the bathroom a number of times. Then the nasal congestion kicked in. I ran out of the breathing strips and figured I could get by one night without them. I was wrong. I hate the feeling of not being able to breathe through my nose. It gets far worse when I'm laying down and trying to sleep. I feel it in my chest. My mouth gets dried out. It takes a lot out of me. I gave up trying to sleep at 7:30, earlier than I wake up when I have to get to school for my morning class.
After updating yesterday I had to go to my therapy. When I picked up my bag it felt too light. I saw that my water bottle wasn't there. I had left it in my last class. It takes forever to wait for the elevators and go from building to building in my school so by the time I got it I had to race. I was already running late because when I got out of my last class I realized I had left some papers in my morning classroom so I had to go back there. It was leave things in the room day.
As I rode the subway to Union Square it struck me that I should walk it next time. It's tough as it's a 50 minute walk and I only have 65 minutes to get there so if anything holds me up I can't make it. I have to finish my writing during my break.
I got to the shrink's office at 3:32 for my 3:30 appointment. That's not bad but the receptionist was on the phone when I arrived. She did a good job of doing two things at once but it still slowed her down. Then when I got to the waiting room I realized I had to go to the bathroom. I was afraid that the shrink would come out and see I wasn't there then not try again for five of my precious minutes. When I got out of the bathroom I saw her walking back to her office. I called her and I had my session.
I don't talk about therapy usually but I was in very high spirits and she noticed. The reason of course is that I'm living at Hogwarts not the cupboard under the stairs. Mini Hagrid is a lot better roommate than the bathroom Nazi.
After therapy I got the best milk shake from the same place I got one last week. I forgot the name, it's only a block away. It is wonderful but the "Giant Shake" is 12 ounces, maybe less.
Then I went to Famous Roio's Pizza. This is the place that used to be Famous Ray's Pizza, the one and only original; the one all the other Ray's are pretending to be. It is the old owner in the old location and the same interior. All that has changed is the name. The Pizza isn't as good as it was when I was in the seventies but it's as good as it was in the 90s, still the best in the City.
I then continued to forage for food. I went down to Pathmark in Peck's Slip in search of Taylor Ham and inexpensive bacon. I found them both! The bacon is $1.50 cheaper than the cheapest I could find in this neighborhood. That's a big difference. Most of the food is cheaper at Pathmark. I'll split my shopping between there and Trader Joe's.
When I got home I watched the NLCS. I have not been watching enough post-season baseball. I'm very happy the Giants won. I'm particularly happy because some idiot sportswriter said that a Cardinal's victory was inevitable when they were up 2-1. It's like he's never heard of a team turning it around. He thinks of hot and cold streaks as forces of history not statistical oddities.
Today's writing is going quickly. That's good. When I'm done I get to make bacon and eggs for breakfast. I haven't done that since I stayed at LORi's house.
I realized that i have to find a place to put the bacon fat. I'll work something out.
I often say that blogging helps me process what happens to me. My problem with that is the word "process." What does it mean? It has the odor of psycho jargon. It came to me the other day what it really does for me. It forces me to turn the day into a narrative. I have to think about not just what I did but the sequence of events. It helps me to see the relationships between the day's event. Instead of isolated incidents it turns my life into story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. It gives me perspective.
Cry Uncle Bonsai and Let Loose the Dogs of War - October 22, 2017
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