I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
March 10, 2018 - 10:57 a.m.
I'm a friend of public transit. I take it everywhere; even when I had a car it was my first choice. So why does public transit not like me? Yesterday was Friday and that means therapy. The last leg of my trip is the bus from the Harrison Train Station to the hospital. The bus runs just once an hour. Westchester does not have a very good bus system. The MetroNorth was a little late but still came in plenty of time to make the bus. Part of me was happy about it, it meant less time waiting for the bus. The train was late because of track work. We had to take the express track and Harrison is a local station. They get around that by putting up bridges between the train and the platform. The train pulled up too far and the bridges weren't aligned with the doors. Like I said, I didn't mind, it meant less time waiting for the bus and for some reason I find walking down the bridges, which look like gangplanks for a ship, fun. Don't ask me why. I just do.
I wait for the bus, it should have been about 5 minutes. It stretched to 10. Google maps is supposed to show if the bus is early or late, but it just gave the scheduled time. 10 minutes stretched to 20, then to 30. I called my therapist and left a message on her voicemail that I'd be late. I knew that the next train was due at the station at 2:50; that meant there would be cabs there. My appointment is at 2:45 but it's only 5 minutes away. I waited at the entrance to the parking lot and got a cab. At 2:45 so I was only 5 minutes late. Still it cost me money and was frustrating.
The therapist gave me extra time so that didn't hurt me. I usually get more than my allotted 45 minutes. I forgot the thing that I wrote here I had to discuss in therapy instead of with My Gentle Readers. I didn't put it in my therapy notes on my phone. I need to get better about that. I did put down something that I didn't think was of consequence but thought I should mention. It's part of being a good patient. If you have a small lesion on your skin, you should tell your doctor even if you think it's nothing. It's why you go to a doctor, she has expertise, let her determine if it's nothing. I have a small lesion in my behavior that I think is harmless, but I felt I should tell her. I have a thing with figure-eights. I trace them out. It hit me at a concert recently, I was doing my usual closing my eyes and losing myself in the music thing. I nodded my head to the music. The thing I noticed was that I was nodding it in a figure-eight pattern. I'm pretty sure nobody else would notice but I did. I have always traced out figure-eights with my tongue on my upper palette. When waiting for a train I will pace in a figure-eight. Sometimes I just do it with my eyes, if there are two dots I will imagine them as the centers of the loops of a figure-eight.
It reminded me of an episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent; it was the first place I ever heard of Asperger's Syndrome. The guest was Mark Linn-Baker, the actor in Perfect Strangers that wasn't Balky. He would make this pattern of five objects in everything he did. It's how he would pin thins to a bulletin board, place things on his desk, draw as a pattern on a paper. He was caught because he committed the murders in that geographic pattern. This led to a discussion of Law and Order: CI, Asperger's Syndrome, and oddly Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy. Both syndromes had a vogue on TV crime shows. Asperger's is no longer an accepted diagnosis, but people still talk about it. I didn't think I am on the autism spectrum or OCD, but I thought my therapist should know I did these things. Her attitude is that if it doesn’t interfere with the quality of my life it isn't important.
Of late I've been writing more about what goes on in therapy. I can't tell you about the personal things but no reason I can't discuss quirks. I think that is useful. You might have similar quirks and it helps to know other people do too.
Coming home public transit struck again, once again on the last leg. I came straight home so the bus to City Island runs every 15 minutes. No wait should be too bad. I should have just made a bus but instead it was almost 15 minutes late. I tracked it on the bustimes website and it said there was another us one minute behind it When the bus came it was packed like a sardine can. I did not have enough confidence in the website to let it go and take the next bus. I should have. It ended up passing us. As people got off I was able to make my way back from the front door. It was still crowded with many people standing. With all that one guy had his bags on the seat next to him. How can people do that?
I made something for dinner that I haven't had in ages. Aldi sells these chuck filets wrapped in bacon. Chuck is pretty much the cheapest cut of steak. It's usually just used for burgers as it's tough. These filets are mechanically tenderized. They are wrapped in bacon, and they aren't that expensive, $4.50 for two steaks. I went for it. I'm glad I did. I made it on the stovetop grill with the steak seasoning that Jane got me for Festivus. I'm going to make it a regular part of my diet, have it maybe once a week. Each pack has two. I froze the second one.
Wow, I wrote a thousand words about a day where I didn't do anything. I almost didn't write today. I'm glad I did. Tonight, I'm seeing Joe Crookston at First Acoustics; go to their website and if there are still tickets available get one. You never want to miss Joe.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
Harmonic Convergence - March 16, 2018
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