I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
August 16, 2013 - 11:17 a.m.
A bit slow writing today and yesterday was a weird one off. Of course there's not much to catch up with on my life. I've been doing nothing. Anxiety is part of that. I don't have it constantly but it's stopping me from doing things.
On Wednesday evening I was going to eat at Hill Country but decided to try the place across the street, which was cheaper. Hog Pits USA. I didn't get barbecue but chicken fried steak which was wonderful. I had the sandwich which has mashed potatoes right on the sandwich and it comes with country gravy and fries. I will be eating there more often.
There was a problem though that had nothing to do with the restaurant, I had a Crohn's attack. Yes the two are unrelated. What I had eaten had no time to reach the blockage.
I had planned on going to Fairview and Trader Joe's but I limited myself to Fairview. They sell U-Bet, what I went in for, but were out. Very sad. For a change I bought some of their coffee and the guy that sold it is my new best friend. I knew his name and forgot it. He was a regular coffee sommelier, I told him that I wanted something for cold brewing and without hesitation told me a Dominican blend. Customers have been raving over it for cold brew. I was afraid it would be expensive but it was the cheapest coffee there and about the same as Trader Joe's. I can't wait to finish the batch of coffee I have and give it a try. But the real point is that we stood around and talked for a while about Brooklyn and the subways and it was great. It made me like Fairway a lot more. He reminded me of Joe the sample guy at the Trader Joe's in Queens that I always chatted with. This guy even brought me to look for the U-Bet.
I also got peanut butter, cashew butter, and half backed rolls that you have to put in the oven and finish yourself. Trader Joe's has something similar. It looks like I'll be going back there.
When I got home I took my 20 mg of prednisone and the Crohn's cleared up in a few hours. That always happens. I don't even get concerned now. It is not long term use. I get none of the side effects This has made a huge difference in my life,. No more laying in bed for days sick.
Yesterday I made it to Trader Joes' and bought Chicken Broth, garlic, shredded jack cheese,and olive oil . I'm going to start cooking again. Today I have to pick up some sausages, potatoes or plantains, and spices. Then I can make my soup. I have to star living the life I want even when I'm not living where I want.
There is a problem with the kitchen. Somebody is taking up all the fridge space. I found my half and half leaning precariously on an angle on top of something else. Some people don't get the essentials of sharing.
I just got angry and something I read on FB, Not the content of an article but article itself. The writer decided to get upset and something and made up reasons to be upset. It was all about the evil motivations that the author assigned to someone with no evidence. But that isn't want I'm going to write about. It's about the fact that I don't want to get mad about that sort of thing. I don't want to write angry.
While getting angry about religion I realized that what I really want to be is the C.S. Lewis of atheists. As you know I'm am passionate in my lack of belief. I think that religion is not just wrong but harmful. But lay theologian and Christian apologist Lewis is a hero of mine. Why? Because he was religious yet free of all the baggage that too often accompanies it. He was not judgmental. He didn't believe that believing in god made you good and not believing made you bad. He didn't believe that god punished you for not believing in him. He expressed what I'm sure many of my friends believe but don't say. He didn't worship god out of fear of the consequences of not worshiping. He makes me like him. I'd like believers to think of me the way I think of Lewis. That will help the atheist cause more than telling people they are stupid.
There's so much I want to say and I'm having trouble writing it. I don't know how to not go on forever and how to tie it together. I think once again I'll punt and leave it for another day.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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