I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

June 16, 2014 - 11:36 a.m.

Enter the Dragon

What the hell am I supposed to write about today? I updated yesterday afternoon and told my story Now what? I visited my friend in the hospital How much can I say about that? I commuted to Columbia University Hospital in Washington Heights a new way. I took the bus to the That worked pretty well.

I had dinner at Steak & Shake. I don't know if I said something wrong or they got my order wrong but I got the cheaper burger. It's not as good but it did save a lot of money. Its the shakes and fries that I like there. Their shakes are better than Shake shack and twice the size.

I've done art! I drew a dragon and a portrait of my friend in the hospital and the kinds of things I'd fill my notebooks with in high school and college So know how bad I sing? that's good compared to my drawing skills.

Yes you can tell its a dragon You'll also see the wings are better than the rest That's because my friend, let's call her Cassiope, drew them. I did put in the wing struts. She also drew the tiny legs

Quiz, what is the blue thing at the bottom of the picture?

I can't sing and I can't draw but I am bad at them in totally different ways. In my head I can hear the music right I can right melodies. I can imagine arrangements and harmonies. One of my musician friends even tested me to see if I can find the harmony and I could. I just can't make music. I can't sing and I can't play an instrument. I can fool people who don't know music on the keyboard but not anyone who does. But I can fantasize about being a musician. I know just what it feels like. I have written songs that aren't terrible. I could potentially become good at that. But art I can't start on. The reason Cassiope drew the wings is that I had no idea how to do it. I couldn't see it in my head. I can always hear the notes in my head. If I said I was going to try and become a songwriter it wouldn't be ridiculous. If I said I wanted to become a painter it would. And it has nothing to do with the skill of my hands but the way my brain works. We talk about the heart but it's all the brain

What I lack in music is the ability to naturally go from what's in my mind to my hands and voice I always have to stop and think an translate.. That's another mental ability and I lack that in music too.

That's why I write. I'm not good but I'm an OK typist and I don't have to work to turn my thoughts to words. The consensus opinion now is that thoughts are words. I never quite bought that. What happens when we know what we want to say but struggle for the right word? I do that all the time What I do here is just keep writing and come back when the word hits me.

When I go back and read old things I often want to edit and often do. I never change the meaning but I do substitute the right word for the one that's almost right. I recast a sentence for clarity or effect. Effect is not the right word, it's almost the right word. Emphasis is the right one. I always feel the syntax should reinforce the meaning.

I'd much rather be a musician but writing comes more naturally to me. But if you ever want someone to help you with lyrics let me know. And I'll say it. If you ever want to help me put my songs into shape let me know that too. I can't write them down or come up with the chords. I do write lyrics and melodies.

I was going to write about ISIS in Iraq and Syria. This ended up being quite different. And it was inspired by my bad drawing

Answer to the art quiz: It's the dragon's egg. That's a female dragon. You couldn't tell?





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Horvendile June 16, 2014
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