I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
November 04, 2017 - 11:15 a.m.
I got home too late to take my meds early last night so now I'm sleepy. I could carry them around with me but that can be a pain. I tried staying up an extra hour, so I'd sleep an hour later and when we turn the clocks back I'd be back on my regular schedule. I thought this plan brilliant then I woke up my usual time. Now on to yesterday's adventures.
I had therapy for the first time in two weeks; I had a lot of ground to cover. I took care of so many difficult things in that time that my therapist said maybe she should discharge me. She was joking. I then showed her mail I didn't want to open myself. It was from the IRS, enough to cause anxiety in most people. She opened and read it for me. She doesn't think I'm going to jail. It does need to be taken care of. This is progress as I have gotten this letter before and not opened it. It would be so nice if I knew a tax accountant. Maybe somebody that lives right here on City Island. Maybe I'll think of someone. This is not asking for you to suggest people This is me being cute and asking for help from a specific person. That's how I am overcoming my anxiety dealing with it. Otherwise there's the danger I would just keep putting it off. She doesn't know it, but my therapist is patting me on the back. She's always supportive when I come up with strategies for dealing with anxiety.
For the first time this season I took advantage of a deal that Dunkin' Donuts has. If you have the mobile app and order through the app any size hot or iced coffee is only $1, the day after the Jets or Giants win. When I got back to the train station I ordered mine. I didn't think I'd be getting iced coffee in November, but I did. It was 73°F. As a bonus that put me over the top with App Points and I now get a free beverage of any size. Very sad, they no longer have the frozen hot chocolate. I'll have to think about this.
Then I was on to a dinner party; I am such a sophisticate. It was for the volunteers at
The party was fun, but I was very disappointed, we didn't dress for dinner. No, we weren't naked, it meant it wasn't a black-tie affair. I brought my tux for nothing. The food was great, I had Italian sausage, chicken, and grilled blue potatoes. The guests you might know of because I've written about them before were Angel, Karen, Perry, Beth, Laura, Lissa, and Margo. Someone I didn't know, Laurie, sat next to Laura and across from Lissa. I said they did that to confuse me. But notice I remembered Laurie's name.
I left at ten in the hopes of getting home by midnight. I didn't have a long wait for the PATH, the 4, or the 6. It looked like I was going to make it. The subway pulled into Pelham Bay Park station five minutes before the bus was scheduled to come. Half a car length before the end of the platform the train lurched to a stop. I was glad I was still seated; the guy standing was thrown though he didn't fall. I was in the front car and could hear a little of what the motorman said to the dispatcher. He didn't know why the train stopped. He couldn't open the doors because the back of the train was not at the platform. It took a long time to figure out what was going on. He had to come out and open doors by hand. I suspect, as did the motorman, that somebody pulled the emergency break. I of course missed my bus by two minutes. That meant a 28-minute wait for the next one. Don't worry, it was 28 minutes; it came late. That always seems to happen. The key word is seems. I know enough to not trust my perceptions. There's nothing magical happening to make trains late in these situations. The world does not try to inconvenience me. Forget my rejection of the supernatural, it would be egotistical of me to think supernatural forces were taking such an interest in me
Hey, I finished this pretty early. Tonight, I'm off to see Jess Klein at Rockwood Music Hall Stage 3. Come and join me; Jess is great, and I never see friends at her shows. Too late now, next time I invite people in advance.
Yesterday for breakfast I made peanut butter matzoh brei. I love my invented dishes. It was very good. It's early so I have time to make grits today, I'm not sure that I'm in the mood for grits. I'll see what I feel like eating when I get to the kitchen.
I'm sleepy but I'm feeling very good. The IRS is going to put me in front of a firing squad, I told you they weren't putting me in jail, but other than that there have been a lot of good things happening some of which were me dealing with difficult actions. I'm in a good mind set; I hope it lasts.
The Court Fool of NERFA - November 13, 2017
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