I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

July 18, 2013 - 10:16 a.m.

Deni Port in a Storm Jeremiad.

My birthday and Falcon Ridge are coming up but instead of making me feel better it's feeding my anxiety. I am a visualize. It's how I plan for anything. I mean anything. Before I get up and get a glass of water I visualize my actions. Anxiety is basically that process going off the rails. It becomes visions of disasters. So that's where I am right now. Today's mission is to answer Budgiedome emails. I actually wrote an email to plan my getting me and my stuff up there. That's a major pat on the back for me.

I wrote that because I know that if you read most of Wise Madness I seem not only happy but carefree. I write largely of little fun things going on. Then it comes as a surprise when I become paralyzed.

So no on to little fun things. Yesterday I went food shopping. That's a bit of normalcy that helps my mental state quite a bit. First I went to Trader Joe's. It's an easy trip from here, the to Borough Hall and walk four or five blocks. The main things I went there for were coffee and peanut butter. I got peanut butter filled pretzels as a snack. It's also a great place to get eggs and OJ. The price is right. then I went to Pathmark. In other words it was like living in Fort Greene again. I didn't have to think about that trip. I just to the B 63 bus just like I used to. You know the important thing I get at Pathmark? Any guesses? It's Taylor ham. I'm making a real breakfast this morning, poached eggs and Taylor ham. The real excitement will be the cold brewed iced coffee. I made the concentrate in my French press. This morning I poured it into a pitcher I bought at Pathmark and diluted it with water. I hope I got the proportions right. I also bought gelato and can put some of that in my coffee! I love ice creamed coffee. It's much better than iced coffee.

Last night I was off to a musical doubleheader at the refusing to die Living Room. At eight I saw Deni Bonet. I'm not sure the last time I saw her but it was too long ago. the band on before her went over and was still playing when I got there. Deni was standing in the back. She had her stuff, in black bags, at her feet. I went over to hug her and didn't see the stuff and fell forward when my foot got caught on it. Good thing I didn't land on her violin.

The band finished and I switched into roadie mode and carried the stuff I tripped over onto the stage. I loved that after I got to the stage Jodelle said, "Can you get the guitar that's in the back?" Yes I'm just part of the crew. Don't take advantage of me taking asking me to do things as a sign of affection. Seeing Deni at the Living Room is definitely a home game.

I'm always disappointed I don't see friends at Deni's shows. Somehow I never became friends with her other fans. I don't even recognize people from show to show. The one friend I spotted was Eliot and I sat with him. Do you know Eliot? He writes a music blog Now I've Heard Everything. He goes to even more shows than me. We all need that person to make us not feel crazy.

I've written about Deni zillions of times. So what is left to write? Easy that I don't know what to write. I'll start with something easy, her new magic violin. She usually plays her trademark blue one. She took this one out and It looked blue, but darker. I thought it might just be the light. then she picked it up and it became mahogany. she held it in a different position and it was black. It's the magic color changing violin. It all depends on the angle the light hits it. Deni says the sound doesnt matter, what matters is if it goes with her outfit. That's of course not true and Deni always sounds great.

So remember how I classified Caravan of Thieves as fun with virtuoso musicianship. I can say exactly the same thing about Deni but I enjoy her with a totally different part of my brain so that's not getting to the point. Blogging is letting the outside world know what goes on inside you. Thats not as easy as it might sound. What's great about it is that it sharpens my thoughts. The odd thing about Deni is that she's a great musician playing party music. The closest thing I can really think of in terms of feel is the B-52s. It's silly and irreverent but not froth. There's a there there. Maybe that's why Fred Schneider did vocals with her on her new album It's All Good. Deni always makes me feel good. That's the highest praise I can give.

Normally I would go home after that but Jeremiah Birnbaum was playing at 10. He's being doing a residency there but as the shows are late I haven't been going. But once I was there I couldn't not stay. I just had to grab dinner in between shows. After saying goodbye to Deni I went to leave but saw Elisa. She had been there for the show and even though I looked for people I know I didn't see her. Her son Mark had spotted me. He had also saw me from a distance at the Suzanne Vega show. He should be a spy, he twice spotted me when I didn't spot him. I talked to them for a while, the more to Deni then I actually got out of there as I needed to eat. I went to Georgia's Barbecue. I have been craving good fried chicken and I knew they were good and knew they served it so I gave it a try. That was a good choice. I've been there twice now and couldnt finish it all both times. They serve a lot of food. For $15 I got a large breast, wing, and drumstick, an enormous order of fries, and a cornbread. it was just what the doctor ordered. I finished right in time for Jeremiah. I got back there at 10:00. the person before him went on long too. I was very happy to see Meg Braun there. I have not been hanging out with her nearly enough lately. She was Jeremiah's unofficial special guest. That meant she was the special guest but it was arranged at the last minute. So she was on stage for some songs and sat with me for the others. I think that was done just for me. This way I got to talk with her and hear her sing.

Now this is totally silly but Meg and Jeremiah look really good together on stage. I wish I had pictures. There are a striking contrast and it was fun watching Meg look up high so she could see Jeremiah's face. He's tall.

I'm pretty sure this was the best show I've seen Jeremiah do. Everything seemed to just click. I loved the songs. I love that I recognized that he didn't write one song. It just didn't sound like him. I didn't feel clever for recognizing that he didn't write It Takes a Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry. That's Dylan. My odd thought for that was it's clear that Jeremiah is a better musician than Dylan. But Dylan is still Dylan, the very best even though he is not a great musician. Figure out what makes that true and you'll learn a lot about songwriting.

Jeremiah might not be Dylan but he's damn good. He doesn't crush the bird or let it get away. He has balance. What songs did Meg do of her own? She was on too. Oh well. I loved it.

Oh I almost forgot to mention the other friend I saw at the shows, Laurely! It's not how I know her bur she works as a waitress there. She's someone else that I haven't seen in way too long. I hope the other customers didn't expect to get a hug and a kiss with their orders. She is the typical NY artist doing other things around the art to pay the rent.

I went part of the way home with Meg. She takes the while I took it two stops then had to leave the subway system and walk on the streets a few blocks to the . It's still not a bad commute. I made it there in half an hour even though I just missed a train. Going back the didn't go express but I was still home before midnight.

When I got back I handwashed a shirt to wear today. When I did water started spreading across the bathroom floor. There's a link in the drainpipe. I texted the landlady and she's having it fixed today. Till then I have to use the kitchen sink.

Today's plan is to make breakfast then do laundry. I have no plans for tonight. Maybe I'll stay home and watch the end of Amelie but I'll probably do that when I'm waiting for my laundry. I'll figure out something. If you want to see me tonight let me know.





Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
Late to Bed and Late to Rise - September 30, 2017
On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017



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Horvendile July 18, 2013
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