I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

August 22, 2014 - 12:14 p.m.

As Cool As I'm Not

As I start this the visit counter on this page reads "99,839 Visitors." Now more people have read this as the counter had a glitch and reset in 2004 so that's over the last 10 years. So who will be lucky visitor 100,000? If it's you please take a screen shot and post it on my FB or if you didn't read this from FB in the comments. What will you win? A shoutout in my blog of course. My guess is that it will happen on August 25. We'll see.

I had another bad mental health day yesterday and once again did nothing. So in the evening I went out for dinner. Yes it's good for me to cook but I needed to get out. So I went to the Vanderbilt for Kielbasa and cottage fries. As always the food was great and so was the waitress. I'm so impressed with the staff there. How does a restaurant do that? Why can't everyplace be like that? Uncle Jack's in Bayside was the same way. Every waiter made you feel like he or she cared that you had a pleasant meal. I resisted going to Ample Hills for dessert as I had ice cream in the house.

On the bright side I wasn't isolated yesterday I had not one, not two, but three phone conversations. I went months without one. There was a six month stretch where I only talked to two people. Not two conversations, one I spoke to several times a week.

Today's WfUV Question of the Day was songs that have the word "cool" in the lyrics. So all the cool kids, like me, said Dar's As Cool As I Am. It wasn't played so I listened to Mortal City on Spotify then Iowa on YouTube and now Out There Live on Spotify. I told Katrina that I cried listening to Iowa. It has a special resonance with me. Katrina thought I was unhappy but I told her I wasn't. It's the song and then said this:

There is nothing like listening to Dar singing this on the hill at Falcon Ridge and everyone has their cell phones lit up and the hill becomes a galaxy swaying to the music.
I wish there was a high quality video of that. There are a bunch out there but the sound is never good. Someone needs to record it with professional equipment and sound from the soundboard.

There is a certain irony when I sing it.

But way back where I come from, we never mean to bother,
We dont like to make our passions other peoples concern,
I don't think anyone can believe that of me. The entire point of Wise Madness is making my passions other people's concerns.

I've said it before but I bet most of you don't know the song I most often sing to myself. Take a guess. You will never get it if I haven't told you. It's Jerusalem; lyrics by William Blake and music by Hubert Parry. I'm a Jewish atheist modernist and the song is about Jesus and pastoralism so why do I sing it? First it is exactly in my range, if I stretch my limits a bit. I struggle to hit all the notes but if I start on the right one I can. It's tempo and phrasing are easy for me to sing. Blake might not agree with my philosophy but we have the same sense of euphony. And as for the content I transpose the key. Sure I don't think mills are satanic and I don't believe in Jesus but I want to build Jerusalem. To me it's about the struggle to make the world a better place.

And did those feet in ancient time
Walk upon England's mountains green:
And was the holy Lamb of God,
On England's pleasant pastures seen!

And did the Countenance Divine,
Shine forth upon our clouded hills?
And was Jerusalem builded here,
Among these dark Satanic Mills?

Bring me my Bow of burning gold;
Bring me my Arrows of desire:
Bring me my Spear: O clouds unfold!
Bring me my Chariot of fire!

I will not cease from Mental Fight,
Nor shall my Sword sleep in my hand:
Till we have built Jerusalem,
In England's green & pleasant Land

Yesterday I wrote about how good the word is but it is far from perfect. There's less misery than there used to be but there is still to much. Perfection is like the speed of light, you can only approach it, never achieve it. But we can always get closer and if we want that we must never cease from Mental fight Nor let the Sword sleep in our hands.

Oh and it gives me an excuse to post this.

The anxiety is bad now. I am having trouble opening a message that is important. I know things will be better for me if I read it but it's so hard. OK I'll do it. I'm make the Mental Fight. Maybe I won't build Jerusalem but at least I might get a job. Then I'll reward myself with breakfast. I don't have a proper pan to make it in but I'll try and make a peanut butter omelet. Wish me luck.





Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
Late to Bed and Late to Rise - September 30, 2017
On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017



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Horvendile August 22, 2014
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