I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
July 29, 2013 - 11:55 a.m.
I think this is when I'd find an anti-anxiety med useful. I need to read the Budgiedome emails but every time I go to gmail I have palpitations. OK that's not true. I feel like I should have palpitations but when I check my pulse it doesn't go up. Here's a tip if you see me check my pulse it probably means I'm feeling anxious. I also find that I'm taking my phone out of my pocket as a response to anxiety When I'm at a show I usually don't actually turn it on unless the anxiety gets really bad and I do it without thinking. I'm trying to not be rude but can't always succeed. I've only turned it on a couple of times. Most of the time I just make sure the ringer is off.
I have tons of things I have to do and I'm frozen so I'm writing. It's better than aimlessly wandering through Cyberspace. The problem is I hear the clock ticking. That's a metaphor, I don't own a clock that ticks.
Yesterday was a day to appreciate friends. I took a train out to Rockville Center where Fred picked me up. He gave up his Sunday to chauffeur me and my camping gear from Gene and Isabel's garage out in Merrick on Long Island to Brianne's house in Waldwick New Jersey. We found it without too much difficulty. Everyone should live close to the highway if I'm driving there. Brianne wasn't in but her parents Chris and Dorothy were to let us into the shed where we put the stuff. I had a real idiot moment. I remembered Chris's name but was sure I got it wrong so I had to ask him. it is not easy not having a brain.
After that Fred dropped me off by the George Washington Bridge in Manhattan and headed home. I hopped on the to the . My destination was the Madison Avenue Workman's Circle Social Justice Fair. While I am passionate about social justice and I love street fair food that wasn't why I went. Christine Lavin was what drew me. She had a half our set at 4:30. I knew the timing would be close but I made it with 20 minutes to spare. I found her backstage, which in this case meant the curb by the sidewalk and hung out with her till show time. She asked if I would come onstage for Sensitive New Age Guys like there was any chance in the world I wouldn't. I have been doing that since 1991 when she called me onstage as "the Jeopardy Guy." You'd have to physically restrain me to stop me. Well OK a pretty woman would just have to ask and bat her eyelashes.
I watched the show with some friends of a friend of Chris's. So that makes them friends of a friend of a friend. That's practically family, right? Plus I had the usual random strangers sidling up to me. I must be sidle friendly. Someone asked me "do you do this often?" I thought he meant join Chris for SNAG but he thought I was part of the act. I had to explain that I wasn't but That Chris plays quite often and not just at street fairs but in real theaters.
Since I sang on Madison Avenue can I now say that I'm a Mad Man?
Chris was heading to Birdland and I had no real plans so I walked her over. We had a serious talk, walling in fact. I had a bunch of things I wanted to tell her and forgot them all. That not having a brain thing is difficult.
I didn't get he street fair food so I ate at the Nathan's that's right by Birdland,. I was going to go to Trader Joe's for coffee, But when I got to Jay Street in Brooklyn it was raining and I didn't have any rain gear so I just walked over to the train a couple of blocks away. I stopped for cover at Shake Shack,. OK I stopped for frozen custard at Shake Shack. I can't believe I never had that there before. I had a concrete, soft chocolate ice cream, peanut butter sauce, fudge, marshmallow, and one other thing all mixed together.
When I got home the internet wasn't working right so I couldn't do any of the things I was planning on doing, I have to do them today. I'll see how the time goes. I might do them at my office after therapy. I'll try to get at least one thing done here before I go.
At least I got over some of my anxiety and took care of some Budgiedome business.
Thinking about Falcon Ridge is giving me anxiety but I know once I'm there I'll be fine. This has happened before. I have to keep reminding myself of that. The Budgiedome is the happiest place on earth.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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