I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
May 14, 2013 - 8:18 a.m.
I'm up early I might as well write. I'm giving a final today. I have a horrible feeling that some of my students will just now discover that they have a conflict even though I asked them about it several times and gave the final for those that have a conflict yesterday.
One student has not been doing well. He never came for help to Friday when I was busy writing the finals and was not having office hours. It was a time that otherwise I wouldn't be in my office. He came an hour late because he decided that the time he as scheduled to take his math final was a good time to talk to his English professor. Oy.
I graded the take-home tests; nobody got a 100 and quite a few people failed.
I had my breakfast yesterday, bacon and eggs and went to school. The subway ran slow so I didn't have time to grab lunch or coffee before I gave the final. I got into the room right on time. Then I ran off to therapy. I grabbed a pretzel before I dashed down the subway but still didn't have time to eat. Therapy was sort of interesting and I'll get back to that later now we are talking food, I always get my therapy food after seeing the shrink but I wasn't hungry. I really should have been,. I was concerned. I had to buy socks and went to Marshall's in Fort Greene. I figured I'd eat around there. I wasn't hungry when I got there. I had to wait forever on the line but not only was I not hungry when I was done but felt the bloating in my stomach. As I feared I was having a Crohn's attack. I didn't eat and went straight home and took 20 mg of prednisone. Sure it has side effects and is probably why I can't see but it's still a wonder drug. Within half an hour I felt and heard the gurgling as the food starting moving through my intestines. I resisted eating till I was starved, that was 1 AM. Now it's the morning and I'm hungry. The episode is over. That's medication where there is no wondering if it worked.
Obama's response to the IRS targeting Tea Party groups for investigation was to condemned it and launched an investigation to find what happened, The Republicans are complaining because he didn't lay out what he was going to do. That's the epitome of the Republican philosophy, make decisions before you know the facts!
My therapist was happy that I acted selfishly. I have no moral qualms with what I did, it was just deciding that the herculean effort on my part would not give enough benefit to the other person to make it worthwhile. To me it was a simple cost benefit ratio question. She was happy that I looked after my own interests. I never thought I had a problem with looking after my own interests. Even when I was taking care of my mother I made sure to always take care of myself. I never missed Falcon Ridge or SMAF. I didn't miss doing anything that was really important to me. I don't like the mindset that being selfless is somehow mentally unhealthy. I see a lot more of people being selfish than I do of people looking out to much for others, not that I don't see that too. And I will tell people that when I think it's appropriate, especially when it's to caregivers where I have personal experience.
This made me think of the song "Christlike" by the Roches.
The other day Terre posted on Facebook about how amidst all the positive things people said in response to her article in the NY Times, The Hitless Songwriter, she obsessed over the person who said she was a bad songwriter. I said it's because she was human. She wrote "Christlike;" you should be shocked that I remember that? I only do because they talked about it at a show. Bad Carey and I still riff on what Terre said. "It's better to have two people when you make fun of someone; you can think of more things." To make up for sang "Everybody's Good" which is a totally different song. I'm an idiot and I don't know why I remember that she wrote it. Maybe I don't. But that's not my point. My point is the calculator. No that's Jian's point. My point is something about Terre being a great songwriter yet still being sensitive when someone disagrees with this obvious truth, must have been a Republican. I know that's not what I was actually talking about. This became a stream of consciousness. Well I haven�t done that in a long time.
My alarm just went off,. It's 8:15 when I wanted to get up. I have to get ready for school now.
I signed the Pro-Truth Pledge:
please hold me accountable.
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Horvendile May 14, 2013
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