I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
August 17, 2015 - 12:06 p.m.
I did not leave the house or speak to anyone this entire weekend. But I did manage to see a concert; the charismatic Carolann Solebello did a Concert Window show from her apartment last night. I go out all the time for live music. I don't do Concert Window but I made an exception. I love Carolann and always feel that she's one of the usual suspects that I see all the time. But the thing is that while I see her often I have not seen her perform recently. So I signed up for it and then had to figure out what to do. I've only did this once before, for Christine Lavin and Honor Finnegan. I subscribed to it and bookmarked the page. I did not put it on my calendar but it was on my Facebook events. I trusted that I'd remember it.
Then came the matter of dinner. I should have done what I usually do when I go out, eaten after the music even if it's very late. But I was home, I was hungry, so at 7:15, 45 minutes before the show was to begin I started making dinner. It was not complicated, a burger and baked potato chips. Well that's what I call them. I cut a potato into thin slices, coat them with olive oil and put them in the oven. I wasn't sure how long it would take, I thought as they were thin only 15 minutes at 425°F; I was wrong. After eight minutes I went to turn them over and they weren't brown at all. I put it in another 5 minutes. They were sort of brown and I flipped them. I then put the oven up to 500°F and left them in for 11 minutes. I needed them finished before 8:00. So how did they come out? Some were perfect, the thin ones were burnt to a crisp. I have to find a way to cut them more evenly next time. As for the burger that was perfect; six minutes on the cast iron skillet. Yes I just spent a paragraph on cooking a burger and potatoes. Hey that's what I did yesterday.
I finished cooking a little before 8:00 turned my computer onto the concert page and started to eat. I saw people were chatting but there was no music. A minute after eight and there was still no music. I asked if it had started and was told yes. Fred suggested I reload the page. That didn't work but it was necessary. That got me to the message asking if I wanted to turn on Adobe Flash. I have Firefox set to ask me if I want it run each time it's called. Flash wasn't running it till the show started so it didn't ask. Now I have it set to always run on Concert Window.
The feeling of the show was even less formal than a house concert. Carolann talked to us conversationally, often by name. The audience was able to talk to each other via chat so we could talk while the music was on and not bother anyone. It was very much like when I see shows at the Huntington Folk Festival or Urban H2O where I will stand on the periphery and whisper to my friends during the show. And I got to heckle. Heckling is important. I only heckle people I love. Unless I think of something very funny in which case I'll heckle anybody.
As it was such an intimate show Carolann did many new songs. That's what this crowd, and me, wanted to hear. If you were just looking you'd think that Carolann was just another sensitive chick with a guitar. But if you listen at all you hear that she isn't. She knows how to actually use rhythm as a means of expression. That's the thing that gets me more than anything, all those singers with guitars that play song after song in the same drone. Even if one song is faster, it maintains the same rhythm the entire song. Carolann's songs keep me on my toes and they have lyrics that go someplace. The songs has a beginning a middle and an end.
OK this is weird, I find that I praise Carolann by decrying what other people do. It's because it's not that she does one thing different than everyone else. What she does is do everything well.
That wasn't all I did yesterday. I also watched a baseball game for the first time this season. I don't have a TV so it's tough. But yesterday's Met game was on TBS and I realized that I can watch TBS games on my computer. So I did. And guess what? The score was 1-1 when I turned it on. Two minutes later there was a rain delay. Forty-five minutes later they resumed play, and the Mets proceeded to fall apart and lose 8-1. It isn't easy being a Met fan, even when they are having their best season in years.
Those things were fun but I did not have a good weekend and I'm not in a good place emotionally. Like I said I did not leave the house this weekend. I haven't had a conversation with anyone since Brian dropped me off at the train station after his radio show Tuesday night, technically Wednesday morning. I'm not feeling isolated, I am isolated. I'm trying to reach out to people but not connecting. Very appropriately today's WFUV question of the day was songs about loneliness. I suggested a bunch. One of them was actually played, "So Lonesome I Could Cry" by Hank Williams: "Country music, the music of pain." Who knows where that's from? Notice it is in quotes. I'll give the answer later.
OK enough of that. This is what I've been thinking about and the entire point of the blog is to record that. But I don't have to go into detail.
Today I have to get out of the house. I have to go to the bank and I have to shop. I forgot what I have to shop for but I know I need something. I don't have therapy as my therapist is doing what all New York therapists do, taking a vacation. I will still go to Union Square to pick up bagels. Often when I'm there I will see a friend. I won't today as her family is clearing stuff out of their apartment and is giving it away. I'm going to go there to see if there's anything cool. The family is cool so I’m optimistic. Carey thinks they live in steam powered ukulele.
Raise your hand if you got the country music quote. Xander said it on Buffy the Vampire Slayer..
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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