I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
August 23, 2016 - 3:44 p.m.
I slept late this morning then wasted even more time than usual which led to me eating before writing which lead to me starting to write this four hour later than I would like. welcome to my life. I can still blame the meds. It's getting better every day but I'm still tired. Wow, I forgot that I started writing. That's not good. I went on Facebook to lay the smack down on someone I don't know commenting off topic on one of my posts. I said he was self-righteous. That's ironic because I'm feeling self-righteous now. Perspective is good. Being so out of it you forgot that you started writing isn't.
Yesterday's adventure was buying bagels. Hey they are good bagels and half-priced; that makes it important.
I have a few things I've been meaning to write about and a dream decided which one I'm using. I've been having mash-up dreams of late, that's short dreams that follow each other in rapid succession. I forgot the ones that made the biggest impression on me when I woke up but I remember the one that decided what I'm going to write about. Oh I remember the other dreams too. I was seeing Happy Rhodes with Pete and Maura Kennedy. The first time I saw them was on a bill with Happy. She was the reason I was there. Happy did not look happy in my dream and her voice was ruined by smoking. It was pretty sad. I'm glad it was just a dream. I did have fun hanging out with Pete and Maura.
But back to the dream that decided what I was writing. I was at a coffeehouse concert and the woman taking the money at the door mentioned a singer, I said that I didn't like her and the woman said that her mother didn't like her too. Her mother said "there's a difference between having a beautiful voice and being a great singer." I told her that I approve of her mother's way of thinking.
So what am I going to write about? Singing? What the difference is between being a singer and having a good voice is? No. It got me thinking how I would tell the singer in my dream that she couldn't play the The Budgiedome.
I don't know how people with regular venues do it. They have to reject people all the time and I struggle to do it once a year. What brought this to mind, before the dream, wasw a musician friend telling me about a DJ or presenter nicely explaining why she didn't play or present her. She acknowledged how hard it is to not hear back at all but it was so hard to take the rejection. I empathize with that. I know I'd hate it and I'd hate to not hear back. You can't say, "You suck" even in the rare cases where the musician does suck. They are still people with feelings. There are some where I think it might be kinder to suggest that they go and enjoy open mics but make music professionally. But of course that could be devastating. It' more the kind of thing you justify to yourself as being kinder so you can say what you really feel.
I don't think there is a good solution. You can give the formal "You don't suit our current needs." But people know what that really means. What makes it harder for me is that when I love someone I need to let both the world and the artists know. I do let the world and the artists know. But that makes saying nothing more noticeable. If you want to torture me ask me what I think of your work. I might love to volunteer it but I don't want to be put on the spot. As Dan Bern sings:
When I tell you that I love youI'm going to ask my musician friends, what's the most painless way to be rejected? I hear many painful rejection stories which gets me even more gun shy. Is there any good way to do it? I'm afraid that there isn't. That makes me sympathize with the ones that write harsh rejections; they figure they can't be nice so they will be honest and make it easier on themselves.
It's not like I have experience doing this in my love life. I've only had to tell one woman I wasn't interested in her. More have told me that they don't return my feelings. One I was actually relieved about. I just asked her because we were friendly and she seemed interested but I thought I should be less choosy. I was quite happy when she said no. Sometimes I need love, other times I need a vowel. Sometimes the jokes aren't for you.
OK I amused myself and one other person. My job is done here. It's a beautiful day and I should go outside and enjoy it. Or maybe I should take a nap. That sounds good as it's what I just did.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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