I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
June 11, 2017 - 10:58 a.m.
I'm totally over the Crohn's attack! It's not worth the attack but feels so good when it's over. I feel energized. I'm not sleepy. I'm looking forward to eating. I ate plenty yesterday too but there was some discomfort. I did not eat corn. I had only one egg in the house so I couldn't have my usual post attack meal of a peanut butter omelet so I did the next best thing; peanut butter matzoh brei. It hit me that matzoh brei is egg helper. It stretches one egg into a full breakfast. I don't know why other people don't eat it all year round like I do; it's so good.
The most important food news is Lickity Split, the ice cream parlor down the block, is open. I had my usual, bittersweet symphony. That's coffee ice cream with bits of chocolate in it. A discussion ensued on what you call the cones that aren't sugar cones the ones that look like this. One of the customers called it a cake cone. The woman at the counter had no idea what he was talking about, neither did I. He said that he was 50 and that's what they called them on Long Island where I grew up. I'm ten years older from Queens and the server was 25 and from Georgia and we both call it a wafer cone. That makes more sense as it is in no way like cake and is like a wafer. Any of you call it a cake cone? This became a bonding thing between me and the server. She was feeling like the outsider and was happy to hear a local agree with her. This just in, the largest ice cream cone baker calls them cake cones, Joy Cone. I still want to hear from you. What do you call them?
Last night as I was going to sleep I was considering writing a depressing entry today. Everything I was thinking about is true and the emotions have a big impact on me but it's not what I'm feeling this morning? Part of that is my health, part of it is a good night's sleep, and part of it is two doses of anti-depressants. Maybe that makes this a good time to write about it; I can look at the feeling from the outside. On the other hand, it might be foolish and make me depressed. Part of not being depressed is the ability to not obsess over the negative. I know I'll write just enough about it to let you know how I feel. It can do some good. Some of my Gentle Readers might feel the same way and it's good to know that you are not the only one.
I have many friends. I have many very good friends that sincerely care about me. What I don't have is a certain kind of friend. It's hard to define but I've had them before so I know what it feels like. The way I think of it is; I don't have someone if he or she had big news, won the lottery, met someone special, would need to share it with me immediately. Everyone I know would tell me the next time we talked or I'd see it on Facebook. There's a lot more to it than that and I could put it more dramatically but everything else can be deduced from that.
That's good, just one paragraph and it didn't bring me down. I worried much more about the phrasing than the content. I'm not happy with the phrasing but I don't want to go back and revisit it now. Why should I take the chance?
Ironically, I wrote about being lonely on a day when I'm seeing one of my best friends, Brianne. Best of all, it isn't to do something specific, just to spend time with each other. I am going to try and talk her into going shopping with me. I have a wedding coming up and nothing to wear to it. I need a suit. I think I have a tie someplace.
One more sad thing. I've been blithely talking about going to Clearwater, it's the best lineup they've had ever. I have no money. I can't go to Clearwater. I'll see if I can figure out a way of getting on someone's list. I should have asked WFUV but I'm sure it's too late now. Anxiety still gets the best of me.
Great, that brought me down. I better eat some sausageeggandcheese and get ice cream later. That, Brianne, and maybe a new suit will take a sad song and make it better. Antidepressants and therapy are wonderful. I'm pulling out of it. I'm still hungry so I better go.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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