I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
July 16, 2012 - 5:54 p.m.
I'm back from therapy and I really should write now before the heat becomes unbearable and I have to hide in my bedroom which has AC. It is close to unbearable already. Hold on while I douse myself in water.
Yesterday was another wasted day. I was national ice cream day but I couldn't find anyone to go out for ice cream with me. I just stayed at home. I did have ice cream. What did I do for dinner? Oh right jerk chicken and roasted potatoes. I wanted to make mashed potatoes but when I looked at my Yukon gold potatoes they had sprouted! I don't know how that happened in the fridge. I didn't like the way they looked from the beginning. I don't know if it was a bad batch or if Pathmark just doesn't have good potatoes. Today I bought fresh potatoes at the farmer's market in Union Square. I'll let you know if they are worth the extra money.
I have to go to the DMV and planned on that today but I went into my bedroom and to turn on the AC and cool down for a bit and fell asleep. I knew I didn't get enough sleep and it caught up with me. Now I'll have to go tomorrow. I've been putting this off too long already. Good thing the DMV is only a few blocks from my house.
I'm still feeling insecure about people. I am having visions of going to Chocolate Room on Thursday to celebrate my birthday and no friends showing up. There is an idiot story involved in this. When I sent out the invitations it wasn't clear that I meant to meet on Thursday, my birthday not Tuesday night. I sent out a follow-up clarifying that. I see my fear isn't totally irrational as nobody said, "yes I'm coming." I've had a number if birthday misunderstandings and such which have left me alone on my birthday. Am I setting myself up for another one?
This is a short edition of Wise Madness. I have to get going to City Winery for the Chicks with Dip Blue show. I'll be surrounded by friends. Maybe that will get me out of my funk.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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