I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
August 16, 2016 - 10:35 a.m.
Mixed thoughts in my head. I forgot to tell an idiot story that I promised. I want to write about this article on friendship I read that I can't find now. And I want to write about something sad that happened yesterday. I'm going to lead with the sad then end with the idiot story for comic relief.
I have written about Jane and Bernie who I am staying with. Have I written about their cats? I know I have mentioned them. I'm a dog person, no question about it. I tease cat people especially LORi. But I can't hide that I love cats. My biggest problem with them is that I'm mildly allergic. I'm fine if I don't pet them but I always want to pet them. It's hard to not pet a ball of fur rubbing against you. But I must resist.
There are two cats here but only one interacts with me, Billy. Billy and I immediately bonded. I'd sit on the couch and he'd sit on the couch and look at me and want me to pet him. I resisted but I'd talk to him and make eye contact. He grew comfortable enough with me that he'd come upstairs. Sometimes it was just to nap, he is a cat. Sometimes it was to say hi to me. We'd have talks. Billy was a good listener.
Billy has not been in good health recently. I didn't notice it, he still came up and talked to me, but Jane did. Yesterday morning, she told me that Billy was dying. He was lying in her bedroom and couldn't move. She had moved him there; he had been hiding behind boxes under the stairs. That's why I didn't see him ill. Jane had to go out for the day. I kept checking in on Billy. I found that difficult. I was seeing if he were alive. He just laid there quiet. I had to pet him to see if he reacted. He would lift his head and look at me. Once he made a sound no cat should make but the next time it was a nice meow. I thought he might last till Jane got home. I had to go out for a few hours and was glad he was alive when I got back. I had to force myself to check on him as I didn't want to find him dead and I didn't want to see him so weak though he didn't seem to be suffering. When Jane got home and checked on him, he had died. Death is the ultimate nothing you can do situation. That's the definition of death. I tried to comfort Jane. All you can really do is let the person know you care. We live on an Island and burial at sea would be nice but I believe it's illegal. I'll see if there is anything I can do today.
I had a dog as a kid and it hit me hard she died. I don't live a life style conducive to having a pet. I'm out too much and for too long. But even if I wasn't I wouldn't want to face the heartache of losing a family member because that's what pets become.
OK now for my idiot story. Not a great one but I promised it. Sunday night I got back sort of late, I made the third to last bus. There were not many people on it. I was busy reading something on my phone. I get off at something like the fifth stop on the Island. I know when I see the gas station it's the next stop. I looked out the window and saw a fence. The fence is two stops before mine. Then I looked out and saw the neon lights of the restaurants on the far end of the Island. The bus didn't make any other stops and I had gone well past my stop. That fence was not the one I knew but one already near the end of the line. So I had to get out and walk half the length of the Island. Not that big a deal, there's not a lot of Island.
So yesterday I made sure I wouldn't do that again. I paid attention. I saw the Snug and got off the bus. Too bad it wasn't the Snug. I was at one stop before mine. Know why? I'm an idiot.
I saw on Facebook that the act that plays Hotch on Criminal Minds was fired. I wrote Lena about it as she's a big fan. I wondered if they might want to hire me to take his place as team leader. I already have my tag line, "I'm an idiot." It would be great, every episode I'd grab my go bag and when we got to where the crime was I'd see I forgot something. I'd say, "How could I forget my gun?" and the others would reply, "Because you're an idiot." Then in the last scene I'd say, "I'm such an idiot, I forgot all about _____; _______ is obviously the killer. Let's get him." I am going to win Emmys; too bad I'll get the date wrong and somebody else will have to accept the award for me.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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