I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

May 17, 2012 - 5:50 p.m.

Barnaby Brightning up the Rabbit Hole

I was going to write an addendum or epilogue last night to my last entry but never found the time. I guess I'll tag on to this one at some point.

I spent an inordinate amount of time at school yesterday. It should not have taken so long to do the grading and writing. I don't know what happened. It ended up being a pretty wearing day. I then went down to Rockwood Music Hall to hear Barnaby Bright. That always makes it a good day. I got there later than I wanted to because I spent so much time in school and couldn't get in because the place was packed for the band on before then. That wasn't too bad though as I spent the time out front talking to Barnaby Bright, Becky and Nathan, and Chris. When I saw Becky she gave me a big hug and said, "It's been so long, two whole months!" That's the longest I've gone without seeing them since I first saw them at NERFA in 2010. That was because they were out of town.

When the other band was finished I went in and Chris told me that there was a seat next to Erika. I didn't even seen Erika. But I found her and joined her. It's also been to long since I've seen her. And who was sitting on the other side of me? Mark from Spuyten Duyvil. I love being surrounded by friends.

I really have run out of things to say about Barnaby Bright. But that's something to say. They were on my top three bands I saw most often last year and I'm still eager to see them. Going two months without them was a hardship. And that wasn't just because they give good hugs. I like them best when they are being spooky. It's the cognitive dissonance thing. They are sweetest nicest people to talk to and dark and spooky is the last thing you expect to hear out of them. Hell even their name makes dark sound foreign to them.

As I hadn't seen Erika in so long I asked if she wanted to grab a bite afterward and we went for crepes. I super splurged with one with chocolate, halvah, bananas, and peanut butter. Good thing I'm losing weight or I wouldn't have dared that.

I gave my final today. I kept shortening it. Not to make it easier for the students but to make grading easier for me. I'm sure it will be a disaster anyway. Students finally came for help today, 20 minutes before the test. They still hadn't studied things that were guaranteed to be on it. I asked them about things I literally said scores of time in class and they had no idea what I was talking about. I showed them how to do problems from the practice final which was just like the real one. I said, "do it exactly like this. Don't be lazy and cut out steps. If you take the extra few seconds to write it you'll never get it wrong. Then the students did the problem and were lazy and didn't do any of the things I said and got it wrong. I'm not saying they did this later on the test but 5 seconds after I showed them how to do it.

Things are looking up in the rabbit hole. I got some help, not therapy, practical help with a side of emotional support from Carolann and was able to take care of something that my anxiety was preventing me from doing. I'm getting my life back in order. This came right after my worst day, when I said I fell down into the rabbit hole in the rabbit hole. I know some of you want to say "everything happens for a reason." Nonsense! Look at all the bad things that happen in the world with no good coming of them. There is no magic. The world is not contrived for my convenience. If it were I wouldn't be down the rabbit hole in the first place. It's just chance. Good things happen and bad things happen. It is regression to the mean. When things are bad they tend to get better. When things are good they tend to get worse. When you hit bottom there is no direction but up. As you can see I have no patience with irrational ideas. I won't even call them mystical or magical. Saying everything happens for a reason is on par with believing in the tooth fairy. It's something you say to comfort or amuse small children.

That was the addendum I wanted to write. Now I have tons of school work to do and I'm going to see Kath Buckell tonight. Yes I have finals to grade and other work but the hour it takes to see her perform is not going to make a difference. I have till Monday to finish my grading. I'll get it down. I always can manage that. I have to be I the City on Monday anyway for my therapy so I can take care of my attendance spreadsheet and other paperwork then. I just want the final graded before.

I'll do a bit more work then head off for dinner. I'm not sure what I'm having yet. Should I splurge and go to Katz's deli? I'll probably go for healthy and eat at Whole Foods.

Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
Late to Bed and Late to Rise - September 30, 2017
On Your Feet or On Your Knees - September 29, 2017
Why Life Doesn't End on Closing Day - September 28, 2017
Anna and King of I Am - September 27, 2017

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Horvendile May 17, 2012
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