I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

April 03, 2013 - 11:59 a.m.


I never think of myself as old but I am a collection of physical ailments, aches, and pains. My right elbow is killing me, pretty sure it's tendonitis. My knees ankles and feet hurt when I walk down the stairs the first time in the morning. I can't breathe at night without a breathing strip. And my vision is deteriorating at an alarming rate. I won't include the Crohn's disease since I had that as a kid. I don't let any of them stop me from doing what I want.

I am so ridiculously behind in my classes. I am going to cover less than half the curriculum in finite math. I had no choice. They would not have learned anything if I went faster. There are some things I just can't understand that they don't understand. I highlight almost from day one that when you have a fraction you can only cancel in a fraction if something goes into every term of the numerator and denominator. Another way of putting it is if can bre factored out of both the numerator and denominator. You cant cancel the x in (x+3)/(x+1). I pointed out hat you can't cancel the two in (5+2)/(3+2). 7/5 does not equal 6/4. When you cancel you leave a 1. I point that out constantly. Yesterday someone wanted to know why we can't cancel the x in (x+5)/(x+9). How does what I said leave absolutely no impression on him. When I explained it he acted like it was the first time he ever saw it. It comes up every single day! .

I have to go to school today to write practice tests for both classes. I have to write a press release too. I never wrote a press release but it just seems like the kind of thing I can do.

After school I went to my rescheduled therapy appointment. I had to miss it on Monday when the train wasn't running. I liked that the shrink knew that I'd get chocolate in lieu of therapy. I am disappointed that none of My Gentle Readers expressed any interest in my proposed chocolate therapy.

I tried a new place to eat after therapy 99 Miles to Philly. Zagats rated it very highly. I had a cheesesteak of course. It was good but not amazing. .

Typing this is very heard because of my elbow. I have to keep the computer near my face so I can read it. I put glasses on. That helps. Now my elbow is not bent as much. I never wear my glasses at home, let alone in bed. I might have to get used to it now that I'm going blind.

I want to write about something but I want to protect the feelings of the person I'm talking about. He probably doesn't read this but just making sure. So I will translate the events into a different milieu.

Forget that. I just got a phone call from Alan. Aubrey died. We don't know what happened. He didnt just die, it was a week or two ago. If there was a funeral we missed it. We're his oldest friends. I will have to call his sister and find out what happened.

I have known Aubrey since I was 13 and he was 12. He's 7 months younger than me and always thought I was an old man.. I was the best man at his wedding. We drifted apart after that and had less and less in common. He was a doctor and very much not a hippie. But we were still friends. We could still find common ground.

I feel guilty as I haven't talked to Aubrey since September and by then he was upset with me for not calling him before then. Aubrey was very ill; he had brain tumors. We knew the prognosis wasn't good. I was planning on being all supportive even though we haven't talked much in recent years. Then I had to cancel once and my anxiety hit. I couldn't make myself call him. As always happened it snowballed. Then when I did see him he was upset which made the anxiety worse. So now I feel guilty. I've been feeling guilty for months. Can I make myself call his sister? I dont know. I should also send a condolence card to his mother. I've known her since I was 13, Its all so sad. He is my second friend to die. Have I been lucky to reach the age of 55 with only two friends dying? I think of them both as dying young.

I haven't talked to Alan in months either. He and I usually see each other several time a month, often several times a week. I go with him to baseball and basketball games. There were years that I saw him 80 times. Now that doesn't happen and I don't know why.

I'm going to eat then head to school and take care of things that need to be taken care up.

I was just searching for Mozart's Requiem and then I heard that WQXR has it as one of the three choices for their showdown at high noon feature. The listeners vote on what to play. All the candidates are requiems, Mozart, Faure, and Brahms. That is spookily appropriate.

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Horvendile April 03, 2013
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