I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
January 01, 2015 - 11:52 a.m.
I only got four hours of sleep let's see how this goes.
Don't you love when I start with an excuse for why this will suck?
Before you do anything make sure to read yesterday's entry. The summary. I'm broke and desperate but please read the details. It's short.
As soon as it was posted my friends started coming out of the woodwork. In a few days I won't be broke, some sent me money via paypal. I have to wait a few days, I think till next week, for that to appear in my bank account. The problem is going to be getting around, my metrocard runs out today and of course food.
But just having the outpouring of emotional support helped so much and so many offered to help in practical ways. I can't give enough thanks to everyone. I feel like George Bailey when he finds the big bowl of money that all of Bedford Falls contributed. People came out of the woodwork. A teenage friend of a friend who I haven't spoken to in a few years offered to help. How amazing is that? You're all such mensches. Is that the right plural?
I am going to have to go back and check if I missed any emails or Facebook messages. I was a big overwhelmed by everyone. Of course I'm still going to have to figure out what to do the next few days till the money comes in and it's not enough to cover my rent and things are still looking dark but I see the first fingers of dawn.
One friend told me to not give up. I might get paralyzed but I never give up. The few people privy to my love life know that. Hey I'm a Met fan and the one thing that Met fans know is the difference between the improbable and the impossible. Per aspera ad astra. If you don't know what that means look it up. It's going to be my motto for a while.
I managed to fight my way through my anxiety to do more things to help myself yesterday than I have in some time. I have to keep that up. I have to get the pay owed me. I have to get the tutoring up and running. Again, if you know anyone that needs help in math or preparing for a standardized test please send them to me. Here's my Facebook Tutoring Page. If you could like it and share it I'd appreciate it. Does anyone know how to give a page more visibility? Does posting on it help? If so please do that. I know people have to be "engaged" with it for the FB algorithm to make it more visible.
After wearing myself out emotionally telling everyone about what happened and taking care of things. I reached my limit. I needed to bring my anxiety down. I didn't listen to music I watched Doctor Who, one of the best serials of the original series, Pirate Planet written by Douglas Adams. It is a miracle. it took my mind off my problems. I was engaged. It strikes the perfect balance between humor and drama.
And then last night I actually went to a New Year' Eve party. It's the nerdfest I go to every year at Warren and Tina's home. We always play nerd games. Usually I play with a bunch of the men though sometimes I eschew the game and hang out with Tina, she's also a math prof. This year Larry played and the kids who are no longer such kids. Warren and Tina have three and Bruce has one. So that's who I played with. We played Kingsburg. Anyone else even heard of it? We played with the expansion pack of course.
The best idea of what this group of friends is like is that when I walked in the door people didn't say "Hello;" I was greeted with, "If Superman drinks will he get drunk?" I said only if it is Kryptonian wine. How can spell check not like "Kryptonian?"
Nobody at the party had read my blog so they didn't know the straits I'm in. I have a talent for not letting on what's going on in my head at times.
We took a break from the game, it took 3.5 hours to play, to watch the ball drop. I did not have champagne, I had apple cider. Hey I like it better.
The game took so long I left quite late, near 2 AM. Somebody gave me a lift to the station in Flushing. I had to take that to the . I didn't get home till after 4 AM. I got to bed at 4:30. I thought I turned my alarm off but it woke me up at 8:30. I have not one but two parties to go to today. Coco's annual New Year's Day open house then Meg's birthday. I need to be surrounded by those I love. Some people there will know what's going on, perhaps most.
Every cloud has a silver lining. 462 people read Wise Madness yesterday. December had been a month of over low readership. I think the reason is that so many people who did read it commented on the link from Facebook which gave the post higher prominence. that brought my readership for the month up to 1428. That was still the lowest since July. I'm spoiled by a plethora of Gentle Readers. Ninety Six people have read me already today. A bit surprising as I expected everyone to be sleeping
I don't have any eggs for breakfast. I do have bacon a couple of English muffins and some American cheese so it looks like I'll be having a bacon and cheese sandwich. The milk is past date but I think I can still handle it in my coffee. OK enough negative thoughts. Things will get better. Through adversity to the stars.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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