I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
April 03, 2015 - 10:46 a.m.
OK so here's the scoop. Last Friday I got an email from payroll about the money my school owes me. My reaction of courses was to totally stop reading emails. Anxiety is very much not rational. Yesterday was D-Day. I decided I had to read it. I was like a new pilot making his first attempt landing on an aircraft carrier. I'd make the approach, get close, chicken out and pull up. If you hooked me up to a polygraph you'd see the strong physical reaction I have. Fight or flight hormones flood into my system. Don’t tell me that's ridiculous, tell the hormones and limbic system.
So finally, a little after noon I opened the email and what did it say? That I should call. Oh great. That's even scarier. I was spent so I ate brunch first. What did I eat? Oh right, Taylor ham, egg, and cheese on a bagel. Yes even when giving you a blow by blow of my battle with anxiety I need to discuss food. More food to come.
I finished brunch and started the entire process again, this time to make the phone call. I don't know how many times I got my phone out but didn't call. Finally around 4 PM I made the call. And and and … What did she need to tell me? They got my paperwork and were taking care of it. Huh? She couldn't just have said that? That's exactly what I assumed was going on. I asked when it would be ready. She said, "I'll have to check." Huh? I still thanked her profusely. I'm going to be getting my money.
So now let's talk food. The night before which I didn't write about because I was to busy saying I was paralyzed by anxiety I tried to use food therapy. I made two things I haven't had in ages. I roast chicken thighs all the time but it's always as jerk chicken or recently sweet garlic chicken. I have totally neglected the very easiest and of the best ways, barbecue. It is no effort and great. I put the chicken on the pan, I put some garlic powder on it. I cook everything with garlic where reasonable. And when it's done I pour Trader Joe's barbecue sauce on it. That's great and cheap. I won't give a recipe as that's all there is but I will give a tip on how to cook chicken. People overcook chicken all the time. It becomes all dried out. It's easy to see if chicken is cooked enough just by looking at what it looks like inside.. You don't have to be extra careful. If you cook a chicken part for 35 minutes at 425° it will be perfect. I made French fries with it. I virtually never make them. They are fattening and probably not the healthiest thing in the world. I wish I had something suitable for deep frying on the rare occasions that I do. I just make them in a frying pan. That means I have to keep turning over the fries. But they do come out great.
Last night as soon as I got off the phone I popped some chocolate truffles as a reward. I did something new with last night's potatoes. I roasted them. I had to get healthy after the previous night. Usually when I do that I add red pepper or Cajun seasoning or just salt. This time I added garlic powder. How have I never done that before considering what I previously said about garlic? They were great. I had kielbasa too. Yes I'm papering myself
What else have I neglected to write about? Many things but instead of doing that I'm going to prepare for my baseball draft then go to my Seder. I'll bring my computer and prepare on the train coming and going. It's a long trip.
Oh one more food thing .I went shopping yesterday. Matzoh finally went on sale! I got five pounds for five dollars. I tried out a new brand. I hope it's good. I am not going to bother to get up and see what it is. All I know is that it's Israeli. I will be eating it for quite some time. Good thing matzoh lasts forever. It starts out stale so you don’t have to worry about that. And now what am I making for breakfast? You got it, matzoh brei.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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