I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken

Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
-Bertrand Russell

What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell

July 27, 2013 - 12:14 p.m.

For Amelie Wherever I May Find Her

For no good reason I didn't get to sleep till after 3:30 AM last night. It wasn't like I had a late night out. I slept late but nowadays that means 9 AM. so I'm a bit tired.

Yesterday I spent most of the day helping Coco with First Acoustics stuff. I also acted as Geek-in-law and got her new computer up to speed. I love being the Geek-in-law. It's a hierarchical thing as I have my geek-in-laws, Paul and Shannon and others. Shannon came up with the terminology.

After I finished I went over to a restaurant, I'm blanking on the name, in her neighborhood that I was told had great fried chicken. I was disappointed. I'm sure others would love it but the spices were not to my taste.

When I got home I found that I had lost the micro-usb cord to recharge my phone. I went to Best Buy to get a new one but arrived 11 minutes after they closed. I drowned my sorrows with an ice cream mix in at Cold Stone Creamery. It's not Ample Hills but it's right there. I had peanut butter and reese cups mixed in.

And that was my day. When I got home something odd happened. Remember when I used to live here in the rooming house I had problems with a woman over the bathroom? She would knock on the door as soon as I got in it. The night before I left we had a big fight. I didn't want to, I told her that I'm leaving so there was no need but she wouldn't let it go. So now that I'm back she wants to be my best friend. Every time I walk by she calls out to me and wants to talk. Last night she attempted to wall with me. It wasn't true walling as though I listened, was attentive, and gave good advice, my heart wasn't in it. It was just common courtesy.

When back to my room things got better. It was a struggle because there were internet problems but I finished watching Amelie last night. It's a magical film. It immediately made it to my favorite films list. I'm in love with the character Amelie. Carey said Amelie reminded her of me. I don't think she meant something you find out in the latter portions of the film, Amelie has anxiety and it paralyzes her. That hit home.

I have never heard any mention of the film by anyone but Carey so I posted on FB asking if anyone else knew the film was magical. Lots of my friends do, they just don't love me so didn't tell me. I'm sure that its popularity among my friends is ten times higher than in the general population. Claude fell asleep during it and he's French, he could watch it without subtitles! I told him that I'm not sure I could still love him. I will because I am THAT forgiving. Give me a cookie. Maybe a crpe.

When I was done I messaged Carey to tell her that 12 years later I finally saw the film she told me that I had to see. She had just messaged me. There were some communications problems because I'm an idiot and had internet problems so even though it was 1:30 AM I called her. My phone worked. Oh yes I borrowed a charger from the landlady. This is part of why I was up late. Carey had a big night. Even though she cavorts, and yes that's the right word, cavorts with rock and roll royalty she still deigns to talk to the little people, that's me. That's her life and she can tell the story if she wishes. I'll just let you know there was no pie, just raccoons on motorcycles.

When I write sentences like that I think I leave you no choice but to either love or hate me.

That reminds me of what I wanted to write about. Well it reminds me that there was something I had planned on writing, What it was it something of a mystery. It's not easy not having a brain. Saying things like that is definitely part of what I planned writing about.

Self love, not narcissism, was the jumping off part, and most of what I remember wanting to write about. People, even my therapist, think I have self esteem issues. I have tons of issues but that isn't one of them. I love myself. I love someone that writes about raccoons on motorcycles with no explanation. I was going to say why I like that but explaining it would defeat the entire purpose of having written it.

Now it's all coming back! It wasn't quite coherent because I haven't written it down yet. As often happens I want you to read two things simultaneously but you insist on having a single CPU. You really need to upgrade. My bad. there are three things I want you to read at the same time.

So one thread is self-esteem. I do have it When I call myself an idiot that's shorthand for saying I'm a very smart person that did something very stupid. There's no sin in not being smart. Half the people have below average intelligence, The sin is not using the intelligence you have.

I I'm a snob. I've lost my patience for things and people that aren't special. I get excited about Amelie because the vast majority of films are not special. I might enjoy them but I want more. It's even more true of music. I listen to so much but if it's not special I dismiss. Being a touch critic of film, and music, and Questions of the Days is fine; Perhaps even a virtue. Seeing what's not special lets me appreciate what is more. And that's the lead in to how I choose who I invite to the Budgiedome.

Contrary to popular opinion it's not by being a cute woman. Sure cute women play but that isn't why they play. Yes I'll say, "we need more cute women" and I'll also say "we need more cute guys" but that's about balancing this year's program not who gets to play at all.

OOOO talking of cute women and men Kathleen Biggins is playing Anas Mitchell and Jefferson Hamer's version of Tam Lin!

No what I care about is getting the Amelies of music to play, people that radiate an inner light. It helps to be different. If you are singer/songwriter with a guitar you have to be saying things that comfort the disturbed or disturb the comfortable. It helps to do something out of the ordinary. If there were a kazoo and didgeridoo band I'm pretty sure I'd find a place for them. Playing a style of music you don't hear much at Falcon Ridge helps. The more types of music you hear the more you are open too. It makes your life richer.

I often try and discuss what it is about a musician that I love. When scheduling I want people that I love for different reason. I want variety. I want to love them with different parts of my brain.

Some of my friends that play are under the misconception that they only get to play because they are my friends. That's not true at all. I hate it but there are people that I love that don't get asked to play because I don't see that inner light. The advantage of being my friend is that I'll see you again and sometimes it takes me a while to perceive the light, it isn't on a frequency I'm sensitive to but it's there.

The one rule is that if you play you are special. You are bringing something to the table that nobody else does. Nothing makes me happier than when someone says, "I love so and so and the first time I saw him was at the Budgiedome." That's what it's all about.

I took out hundreds of words. I'll have to find another time to write about what was edited away.





Annoying People - September 03, 2016
This Play Was The Pits - September 02, 2016
Banking on Getting Better or Avoiding Katastrophe. - September 01, 2016
Unlike Gilligan I Got Off the Island - August 31, 2016
Call of the Wilder - August 30, 2016




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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 License. Horvendile July 27, 2013
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