I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
September 18, 2015 - 3:27 p.m.
Damn it's 1:59 and I'm just starting to write. This is getting ridiculous. I didn't get to sleep last night to something like 2:30 or 3 AM. My alarm woke me at 8:30, I posted my answers for the WFUV question of the day and went back to sleep. If I didn't have good answers for the question I would not have done that. But it was songs with "Trouble" in the lyrics so I got to suggest all favorites,
""Trouble I Wright" by BobtownI got to request two of my never miss bands that I also love as people, Bobtown and Harpeth Rising, Classic Broadway, and Nanci Griffith who I was ready to marry at one point though I had never met her. I could have suggested The Kennedys version of "Trouble in the Fields" but I thought Nanci had a better shot of being played. Of course none of them were played. That doesn't make me give up trying. I'm with Thomas Jefferson Smith, "You fight for the lost causes harder than any of the others."
No matter how many times I see it that scene always gets to me. I could expand on this so much. I'll just say that not giving up on lost causes and not satiating on many things I love are a big part of who I am.
Last night I did something that totally doesn't sound like me. I went to a party at a bar where I hardly knew anyone. It was for Alex's birthday. Alex has been away all summer so it was also welcome back. She was apprenticing in being a pastry chef so she could learn to make me chocolate peanut butter doughnuts. Sure there was a career change motive too but it was primarily about making me doughnuts.
Good thing it was a party not a concert or a play with a set starting time. There was a big delay on the . That was especially galling as I had two options on how to get there and the other would have avoided it. The other route was also an easier transfer, but this was supposed to be faster.
Then because I'm blind I didn't see the name of the bar. I walked past, thought it must be it because I thought I must have just crossed sixth street, I wasn't really paying attention and couldn't read the street sign. Then I walked back thinking it must be the place and from the new perspective could see the sign and went in. Then I managed to find Alex. The party was actually in the air shaft between buildings that the bar uses as an extra room. I've never seen that before.
I thought I might know nobody but Mya is in town and stopped by though she couldn't stay long. Vivien who I met once but is my Facebook friend was there too. So here I was in a double awkward situation for me. I don't drink and was at a bar and I was with people that I didn't know, other than Alex of course. I actually got there before most people so I had some time with a small group that makes it easier. I got to know, now be ready to be impressed with me knowing names, Allison, Tai (sp?), Liz, and Gabe. I only had to ask Gabe is name three times. To me Gabe should be an old Jewish guy, maybe horn playing angel. OK that's my new mnemonic for his name, I'll see him with wings playing the trumpet. Did you faint from me remembering so many names? I even learned one more! Sam who was the last person I met.
So I have somehow become a person who can go to a party with strangers and have a good time. I found the common ground, writing, bookstores, food, wanting to kill people that block the doors when you are trying to get off the subway, you know the usual.
So you know how I was going to go to Trader Joe's and buy eggs yesterday? I didn't. I thought I might not stay long at the party so I could go afterward, but that didn't happen. So I had to buy them on the walk to the subway. They cost 42% more than at Trader Joe's. But I did get one with a double yolk. Too bad the yoke broke when I poached it this morning. I hardly ever break the yolk so that was sad. I made up the superstition that double-yolk eggs are good luck. I don't believe it, I don't believe in things being good luck, but I strongly believe that it should be a folk superstition akin to finding a four leaf clover.
Today's plan is to go to see Avi Wisnia and others at the American Folk Art Museum. That ends at 7:30 so I should be able to go to Trader Joe's to pick up the things I need that aren't eggs.
Oh one more thing. This is what I do at therapy as I'm getting ready to leave I think of one more thing. I am not back in the habit of reading every night in bed before I go to sleep. I need a lot of light so I use my headlamp. Now I'm reading Maskerade: A Novel of Discworld. It's about the opera! It's wonderful.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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