I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
July 07, 2015 - 11:24 a.m.
Now to figure out what to write. I was going to post pictures from the New Bedford Folk Festival but I already posted them on Facebook. I'll just give you the slideshow here. If you click on it you ca see them in Picasa which is better than Facebook. You can download higher resolution there too.
I'm not going to even edit my pictures of the beautiful home I stayed at yet or post the pictures of the fireworks. I'm going to simply see where this leads; I'll be introspective. The proper study of man is man. The proper subject of blogs is the blogger.
I got up late yesterday then wrote a very long blog post about the Festival, A Blog, Told by an Idiot, Filled with Sound and Fury, and Signifying Everything. That meant I had to race to make brunch before therapy. So I made the fastest hot meal, ham, egg, and cheese on a bagel. The reason it's fastest is that I cook the meat and egg at the same time. I simultaneously toast the bagel in the oven. I remember learning the word simultaneous. The only useful homework I had in elementary school was vocabulary. We were supposed to read something and learn two new words from our reading. I'm not sure if that's every day or every week. What a great assignment, getting kids to not only read but to look up words they don't know. I still do that. I found simultaneous in a book on submarines. This must have been second grade. I also learned awooga though that's not how the book spelled it
I had to race to leave for therapy on time. I left the oven on. The only reason I need the oven is that the toaster is too small for bagels. The packaging said it you could use it on bagels but it isn't even that close.
I did get to therapy early. I like that. I sit in the waiting room, plan what I'm going to talk about, and read things on my phone. It can gather my strength for the therapy. I usually plan my session before I get there and just do a quick review before I go in. This was a tough week to plan because my head was totally filled with the Festival. That's fun to write about but it has little to do with my issued. She does try and find why it makes me feel so good. I almost forgot to tell her I got made my appointment at the ophthalmologist. That's something we've been working on. I've also worked on how to spell ophthalmologist. It's the phth part that just seems wrong. I had to translate it into Greek to have it make sense. It's just φθ. Two consonants in a row is better than four. The problem is most people, including me, say "op-tho-mol-o-gist." That's influenced by optometrist.
After therapy I got bagels and then went up to my PO Box where I found the new CD by Dagmar. That's not Anna Dagmar, who I also love. This is a band formed by two of the members of Rock paper Scissors. I can't wait to hear it. Well I can. A weird thing with my anxiety is putting off listening to new CDs. I have a bit of a backlog. I love listening but I get anxious till I get it playing. Yes live with anxiety is so much fun. I will listen today. I have to work on my backlog. You can listen too.
Then I was off to Pathmark. I was in need of meet. I got hamburgers and chicken breasts. I decide what I'm getting by what's on sale. I also got Nathan's Franks. But they don't put the real Nathan's Franks, the one in the natural casings, on sale. They are so much better.
When I got home my landlady was upset with me because I had left the oven on. She thinks it's unsafe. Which it isn't of course. If you are cooking a turkey you keep an oven on even longer. It is wasteful and I feel bad about that. I've become my mother. She often left the oven on. Sometimes it wouldn't be lit. I'm not talking about when she was older either. I'm talking about when I was a kid.
Then I made another bagel before I went to sleep last night. Guess what I did. Yes I left it on all night. This is getting bad. I need to make a system to check to see if I turned it off.
Sitemeter is broken. That's the app that tells me how many people read Wise Madness and tells me something about it. That's unfortunate. It was always reassuring to see the numbers and know people were actually reading what I spend so much time writing. Now I don't know if anyone is reading this. It seems that I really need that validation. I don't like needed the validation. Intellectually I know it's stupid. It's vanity, not real. Attention from random people makes me feel good for a minute but not good in the long run. I feel uncomfortable when people talk to me because they think I'm one of the cool kids. What I care about is people that like me for me. Actually what I care about is being cared about by people that I care about. I also care about that parallel structure. I was echoing a phrase I once used in a letter I was particularly proud of. "I care about you. I care about how you feel. I care about what you think and I care if you care about me." I also care that that was not as well written as I remembered. I had to rewrite it a bit just now. I will give myself a pass on that. That was a very emotional letter and I was distraught. It didn't have the desired effect. Maybe it's because of my imperfect writing. No I'm not being serious. Overall it was still damn good. But good writing can only get you so far.
So know what makes me feel good and is real. Somebody who I don't see regularly just messaged me to show me something cute and talk a bit. She just wanted a small dose of my company. I'll take that over the adoration of the masses any day. Not that I ever had the adoration of the masses … or the magi.
OK it's a beautiful day and the Botanic Garden is free on Tuesday. I should go there. Tonight I'm seeing Mike + Ruthy's CD release show. I'm meeting Kevin there. I should make plans for that. You should make plans to go to the show It's at Rockwood. Go buy your tickets: The Mike + Ruthy Band CD Release Party w/ special guests Kristin Andreassen, Aoife O'Donovan, and more TBA
Now for breakfast. Bacon and eggs with a buttered bagel? I think so. Remind me to turn the oven off.
Brother Brothers in Arms - October 01, 2017
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