I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
- H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me — that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter — except to show how very dull we are ...
-James Branch Cabell
October 26, 2016 - 7:58 p.m.
Very odd, first time I opened Word it didn't load my preferences. I had to close and reopen it. Now everything is copacetic. Hey I spelled copacetic correctly; I was sure I'd need spell check to correct it.
I didn't have time to write this morning. Am I going to write now and again tomorrow morning? Perhaps I will. It depends on how inspired I am. Right now, I have something political in mind. I already have one this week. This is what happens when I don't go to hear live music. Of course, there's always baseball.
Yesterday's exciting adventures consisted of going to my PO Box then to the Upper West Side Trader Joe's. I don't often go to that one but it makes sense when I'm coming back to the Bronx. I bought Pumpkin Spice Scones with Maple Frosting. Maybe I'll make them tonight. I'll look at the recipe. The problem is that I'm going to be eating late as I'm writing this when I should be cooking. I took out chicken for dinner. It looked odd, I wanted a breast filet but it might be thighs. A breast can be cooked way faster. I want to make it when Jane and Bernie around to eat them with me. It was what was offered at the sample area. One taste and I bought it. I don't think that ever happened before. It was fresh out of the oven and amazingly good. I love when I can re-experience a taste through memory.
I came home a new way, I took the to Simpson street, got out of the subway, walked about five blocks to Hunts Point Ave and got back on the . That's not a free transfer but I have a monthly. I don't know the neighborhood and even with Google Maps went wrong so I went along the two legs of a right triangle instead of the hypotenuse.
I watched the World Series when I got home. I'm rooting for the Cubs as are most of my friends, as are most people that don't live in or grew up in Cleveland. Against any other team the Indians would be the emotional favorite as the eternal underdogs but not the Cubs who have not won in 108 years and have not even been in the series since three years before the Tribe last won. Cleveland has been in the world series three times since then. Sadly, Kluber and Miller pitched brilliantly and shut the Cubs out. Miller is a relief pitcher, he's not a closer, but he's a force, the most valuable reliever in the game. I love that he's not used as a closer. He's put in when the game is on the line no matter what inning that is. He's not afraid to come in with men on base and put out the fire. That's how relievers used to be used. They were called firemen. Now they get upset of they don't start the inning. Not Miller, he'll do whatever is asked of him. He went two innings last night. What the hell? Tonight's game started already. The Cubs are winning 1 – 0.
Today I had therapy. Jane couldn't drive me to the train as she and Bernie were busy getting arrested at a protest. No lie. I was prepared to bail her out. She didn't need that. I had to leave an hour and 20 minutes earlier than usual. The bus to New Rochelle runs only once an hour. The next bus arrives right after my train leaves so I have to get there almost an hour early. I used that time to go to Stop & Shop. I usually do that on the way home. That meant I couldn't buy perishables but there was nothing I particularly needed. I made an important discovery. After I went go to Stop & Shop I always walk back to the train station because I didn't know where closer bus stops were. I figured there were some. As I was going to the store first I looked at the map on my phone and saw that one stop was across the street so I got off. It's across from the side of the store I never exited from. That will save me a lot of time coming home for now on. When I finished shopping I'll hop on the bus there. That was good but of course I was an idiot. I forgot to buy corn.
Therapy went well. I like the way I handled it. I started with something difficult for me, my mail. I open it there with her. She reads it because I'm blind, not because I can't handle it. I open it. She feels that's important. Before I got to some more difficult mail to deal with I took a break from that and discussed something else. It was something more personal but not something directly related to my issues. I would love to write about it here but I can't. So, I just talked about it with her. My old therapist would let me get away with doing that for the entire session. What I was happy about was that I went back to the difficult mail on my own.
I still have anxiety but the meds have knocked out the depression. Last night I pushed it. I thought about the thing that is most often triggers it. I let myself go and went deeper and deeper into all the things that make me sad. And it fell off me like water off a duck's back. That's amazing. I thought I wasn't depressed before; that I just had things that made me very unhappy. I was wrong. I wish I had been on these meds then. I would have not only been happier I would not have behaved in ways that exacerbated the problems. No point it dwelling on that; you can't unscramble the egg.
Now to make dinner and watch the World Series. See I didn't need to go to politics. This was much more pleasant. I am watching, now, I keep going back and forth between Word and the World Series.
I don't know what kind of chicken I'm having for dinner but I'm having gnocchi with it.
A Flash in the Ham - October 31, 2016
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