I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.
Edgar Allen Poe
The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one's time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.
-H. L. Mencken
Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so
What I have been telling you, from alpha to omega, what is the one great thing the sigil taught me—that everything in life is miraculous. For the sigil taught me that it rests within the power of each of us to awaken at will from a dragging nightmare of life made up of unimportant tasks and tedious useless little habits, to see life as it really is, and to rejoice in its exquisite wonderfulness. If the sigil were proved to be the top of a tomato-can, it would not alter that big fact, nor my fixed faith. No Harrowby, the common names we call things by do not matter—except to show how very dull we are,”
-James Branch Cabell
October 01, 2014 - 12:31 p.m.
Oh great it's anxiety day for me. I hate waking up like that. And now I'm anxious because I don't know what to write about.
Yesterday I went up to my PO box at Columbus Circle because I had a text that I had mail. It was my WfUV renewal notice. I always do that when I volunteer so that was useless. I am supposed to get a package from Amazon tomorrow. Not sure if it will be in my box then. I might have to wait till the next day. After that I went to Trader Joe's. I didn't buy enough un stuff there, just chocolate pudding. How come I can only find the chocolate pudding at the Chelsea store? They hide it in Brooklyn. I might need some this morning. Chocolate is my anxiety med.
I had my new favorite, garlic chicken sausages for dinner. I had baked potato with that. I stopped eating that for a long time because I was afraid it triggered Crohn's but I've had it a few times with no ill effects. I'm not sure it should bother it. And I love it.
I went to Heather's and got to watch post-season baseball on TV! I miss watching baseball. The Oakland played Kansas City in the Wild Card game. They are both underdogs and small market teams so I didn't know who to root for. KC hasn't been in the post season since the Reagan administration but Oakland has been the template of how to run a small market team but they never succeed when they get to the post season. I decided to root for Oakland. You know how that was going to turn out. Yes KC won.
The Post Office says I have mail today. I hope that's what I ordered a day early. so exciting. When I order something online it always feels like I'm getting a present when it is delivered.
I wish this time series went back longer but Wise Madness readership numbers for September were excellent. August spiked because of Falcon Ridge.
Thank you My Gentle Readers for making this graphic necessary. Did anyone get that that's a Yogi Berra reference?
I don't know what to write about today? Where's my fire? Where's my passion? I have to unpopular political points on my mind but I think I'm not going to write about them. Instead I'm going to write about my fire and my passion!
Yesterday said I can't write about what I discuss in therapy, so today I'm going to write about what I discussed in therapy. I don't want to be predictable.
I told my therapist that I was angry about something. I followed that up by telling her that I was angry at her too. She had said something the week before that upset me and not in the pushing me to confront things way that I want from therapy. She reacted just the way I knew she would. Saying "Good for you for being angry." She seems to think that I don’t feel I have the right to be angry. I never feel that. When I suppress anger it's because I feel it's being self-destructive to dwell on it. I don't want the tension it creates. But I pretty much always feel my anger is justified. My therapist thinks I have self-esteem issues. So do other people. I don't. I think I'm a monstrous clever fellow. I think I have fire and passion. When I talk about being drawn to the people within him the inner fire burns hot it's because I'm one of them.. I get angry because I think I deserve better. Or I think others deserve better. I was going to say that the only thing I get angry at is injustice. But that's not true. I get angry at stupidity too.
So why do people think I don't get angry? I have no idea. Maybe it's because I'm polite. Just yesterday morning I messaged Carey to complain about somebody being stupid. I finished my rant and said, "Now I can go back to being the nice person the world thinks I am."
OK so what things that happened recently that got me angry can I talk about? Lots that have to do with daily life in the City as I see so many people. Here's a pet peeve. I go to cross a street. I had the light. A drive stopped at the light crept up so that he totally blocked the crosswalk. That's the kind of thing that gets me thinking, "It's clobbering time." He gains nothing but he made me walk into the traffic. His window was open so I yelled at him, "That was worth it. You may have gained an entire millisecond." He probably didn't either as if he hung back he could start moving as the light is changing. on a very similar note. I was on the bus and I keep hearing "Please move away from the door. It's an automatic message that plays when you stand too near the rear door in the newer busses. It's designed to be annoying,. Yet some people will stand in the well in front of the door and make everyone listen to it because they think they will gain that millisecond. It was not like the bus was crowded and he had no place else to stand. And I get angry at everyone that stands blocking stairways and doors. And the people that with a whole platform to stand on choose to stand where the platform is narrow so that anyone that wants to walk past them has to walk on the edge and risk falling onto the tracks. And the woman that made me pick up my heavy bag of groceries to walk through the train instead of just walking on other side of the pole. And she started on the other side of the pole! And the guy that …
You get my point. But all those things I just let go in a second, I always say I'll write about them and never do. Well today I did. Now don't get the impression I'm an angry person or hate people. I see thousands of people a day. 5 might tick me off. That's nothing, less than 1%. People are nice too. Someone offered me a seat because I was carrying a package. I was fine and turned it down. That happens just about every day. I know that. I appreciate the nice people.
Whew. I disabled the touch pad on my computer by accident. It took me a bit to figure out how to get it back. OK now it's time to eat then get some things done. It is an omelet day.
You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry - October 01, 2014